© 2011 Howard McQueen
As we capture and focus our attention
into the service of navigating toward unity,
we begin to meet in the vast field [1]
where compassion and love dwell.
As we learn to nourish family and community,
we begin to tend to the soil
fertilized and nourished by our shared, core values.
As we learn to heal ourselves
and hold this healing space and environment for others,
we restore a sense of safety
that was once lost,
or taken away;
And we rebuild connections to this field,
uncovering a depth-of-compassion
in the sharing of heart-space.
As each individual trusts in the safety to uncover,
we as family and community discover
we can communicate via a life-giving language,
in an ongoing dialog
that begins to dispel and dissolve
fear and aggression
and holds the space
for cooperation, trust and their mother,
love, to flourish.
Were I to choose one paramount core value today,
it would be to communicate compassionately [2].
As humans, we are born with the desire and need to express,
connect and share.
It is primarily through our language and behavior
that we express what is alive within each of us.
Additional expressions can be poetry, music, food, art
and the many other thought forms and emotions we birth
and release into the world.
And, we are all trying,
often struggling
with healing from our torn and seemingly broken
sense of safety.
Considerable encouragement
and practice is often needed to let go
of the sadness and grief
and the defensive behaviors we constructed
to seemingly secure our safety.
As we engage in community
we all face the sometimes daunting challenge
of creating and holding the space for each of us to grow,
while also growing collectively as a community, tribe, …
Individual Growth Dynamics
Who is better equipped to advocate for your needs, than you?
No one else (Yet!) knows or has access to your inner landscape, than you.
If you withdraw from advocating your needs, you will create and empower separation, disappointment and sadness.
If you excessively trumpet your needs, you will not hold the shared space for unity and safety to take root to include you.
Group Growth Dynamics
When the group notices than an individual’s needs are not being met, the group learns to gently advocate that a person either find their voice, or tone down their voice. There are many creative modalities, including ZEGG Forum, that the group can use to help individuals become transparent (so they can be seen and heard and reveal hidden aspects of self). When this is done in a safe environment, the group builds understanding and compassion.
In Summary
Each person is ultimately responsible for advocating for their 100%, to meet their needs, and, in family and community, these individual needs are best overlaid on the broad canvass of well defined shared core values.
Navigating life circumstances under the old power-over hierarchical structures create the need to constantly compromise. This creates win/loose situations and a sense of disempowerment. Under a shared power community structure (governed by consensus, Sociocracy, etc.) , individuals are encouraged to speak their 100%. Everyone then navigates via consensus (to give their consent, or block a proposed solution by articulating how the approach is not aligned with core, shared values). Using this approach, individuals feel empowered and win/win solutions are crafted.
As the group becomes increasingly sensitized to the language used in discussion and dialog, care is taken to identify when moralistic judgments are spoken or when personal agendas become invasive. As these are identified, time is taken to invoke the heart-space, encouraging “do-overs” that reconnect the speaker and the group to shared heart space and the core values that ensure the safety of the container, creating a vital, alive community.
[1] From a Poem by Rumi
[2] Non Violent Communications (NVC) is one well-developed language
