(C) 2010 Howard McQueen
Emory (my wife and partner) are now into our eighth week of intensive scrabble play.
As a result, I have relearned how any activity, if incorporated into our inner work,
can be used as our own personal bohdi tree.
For the first few weeks, Emory won about two-thirds of the games, and I had
seemingly adjusted to this slightly inequitable state of outcomes (;-) .
And then came a batch of a dozen or more losses, the last several being huge
one hundred plus point routes, where I was dropped into the doldrums of
selecting single point letters that could not make much more than four letter
words (;-) .
A sense of growing injustice was building and after a late evening particularly
brilliant (and an eighty point) play, I erupted up from my seat and dashed into the
bathroom, mumbling that I might never play this game again. While in the bathroom,
I doused my face with cold water, I was feeling so on fire.
As I calmed down and began to again breathe normally (I have no idea how long
my breathing had slowed and become so shallow), I connected to a childhood
memory
My mom, dad and I (I was ~ eight) are playing Monopoly. I have acquired the high
rent property (blue) just before the GO space and my dad has just landed on one of
my properties, which has been enhanced with hotels. I laugh out loud at his
misfortune, and then, to my surprise, he is angrily standing over the board and
sweeps his arm over the board, knocking the board and all the pieces all over the
floor. Without a word, he walks away and just exits.
It is in this remembering that I now see myself one impulse away from reacting the
same way. In the moment of the eruption, Emory reports that she feels a sense of "not feeling safe" and,
as part of our practice, we both hold the space for what I have manifested.
As I pull upon some reserve resolve to finish this game, I almost close the gap,
making up over one hundred points I was in deficit. We both agree to start
another game and I win this game and the next three over the next two days before the
flow switches back to Emory.
We have now played another several weeks of scrabble since that eruption. Sometimes
you are the bug and sometimes you are the windshield. Any activity practiced with awareness can
conect us to our disintegrated imprintings - these things that empower our sufferings.
As we need do is lean into these energetically charged scenarios, feel them,
and realize we no longer need be captivated by the situations and stories of our past.
When we are persistent and rigorous in whatever activity (lovemaking, business, raising a family …)
offers itself as our bodhi tree, we are offered the invitation to see and pierce through our demons.
[1] Bohdi tree http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bodhi_Tree
The tree with heart shaped leaves that Siddhartha sat under and achieved enlightenment.
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