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Coming Home

Posted by Howard McQueen on February 18, 2009 at 9:30pm
© 2009 Howard McQueen (Version 1 22-Oct, 2008)I sit back, deep into the seat of my soul. I sit here because I know thru wisdom, the sheer futility of running away. There is no longer an option to run away or hide.The Here & Now are my home. My task--to remain awake and aware and, when (not if) I stray, to return to this seat and humbly continue this life’s work: uncovering and cleaning the heart of the dust-from-neglect, now caked into mud, from the tears wept returning home.Home is where I am completely vulnerable. And yet, paradoxically, in this energetic space of here and now, I am peace, I am sustained.I grow roots, sending these deeply into my heart. I then nourish this me-as-tree-of-life, letting the spirit of my heart expand outwards, growing leaves, blossoming. This inward-radiating-outward love, expression of myself-as-part-of-the-wholeness-of-life, provides a centering to accept and not resist the external world’s impermanence and ongoing disruptive sensations.The ever-changing theatre of the external world is just that: constant beauty mixed with ever-shifting drama. The compassion of strangers interspersed with the eruptive mental illness of humans trapped in their heads. Having had encounters with contagious mental illness, my response is an ever growing depth-of-compassion for those caught in pursuing the myriad strategies of the mind: acquire-before-they-expire, hide-before-they-can-be-hurt, imagine-shame-while-anticipating-blame, etc. This is the run-a-muck locomotive mind, not feeling emotions, the heart hijacked from its conductor’s seat.The external world is like the wind, ever shaping and scouring our surfaces. As the tree, I tap deeply into the earth like the great sequoias. I am openness, allowing the wind to play and have its way with my branches and leaves. I remember to bend when the winds are strong and erratic. The winds calm, the birds and butterflies return, and lightness of being with all creatures of nature is again restored. These states evoke a full spectrum of sensations and I let them all in, remembering to let them pass thru on their own way home. I remember (over and over again and again) to not construct elaborate expectations—just more fleeting castles-of-sand.Since I am spirit that bore tree, I am learning to celebrate fire as inevitable and elemental. Fire offers up destruction, creating the space for transformation of life. This body, like all vessels born into the external, is on loan, gifted, also returning home. I celebrate this gift, with all the uncertainties and lack of external warranties. To just exist and be connected to unconditional love, even momentarily, even while shouldering this struggle to be human, is wondrous, breath-taking, such a privilege to become … aware.Thus I serve that which runs through my heart. It is the current sustaining and interconnecting all life, it enables my reflection, it contains light and dark, it is everything--and I am Home.---Two authors motivated me to write this piece. Mark Nepo is an awesome spiritual writer and flat out fantastic teller of stories. Michael A. Singer's first book "The Untethered Soul" is also inspirational. - HM
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The dilemma of pulling things up from below

Posted by Howard McQueen on February 8, 2009 at 11:30am
By Dr. Steve Goldberg, Chiropractor and Naturopathic healerForward by Howard McQueenForwardI sent Steve an email describing a big chunk of deep fear that broke free from a Fearberg inside me. I was working to keep a balance on my journey and shared my experience with him. Below is Steve’s response, which he allowed me to republish.THE DILEMMA OF PULLING THINGS UP FROM BELOWI respect your searching, the dilemma of pulling things up from below. The analogy for me is fishing in the Back River at Tybee.A line can be dropped from a boat in the middle of the river where it is the deepest. Something will take the bait, get hooked. Because the salt water here is so dark compared to the Caribbean or Pacific waters, we can't see what has come up from the depths till we get it out of the water.The dilemma then is what to do if we caught a toad fish or something non edible or something from the unconscious that makes us uncomfortable. Do we realize, sanitize, and neutralize what stinks or throw it back into the depths and hope it sinks out of sight and out of mind -- for a while anyway. Then, head for dry land, take a break and go lie on the beach in the sun; but, being mindful of sunburn. This dilemma of life is un-escapable.A question is how do we navigate our way thru the mess and manage to be joyful and peaceful. Create a mask or semi-permeable barrier to still let in life giving oxygen, but neutralize the ever present smell of crap from the accumulation of the toxic waste? Where is the Safe Zone? How do we manage to sustain a healthy open heart?Somehow, [our work is to] clear up and clear out our inner pain, deception, fear, mistrust and transform the toad fish into something nicer to be around. Be compassionate with the ignorance, selfishness and harm that others cause. Just visiting here may be the best attitude. Maybe, our attitude is probably one of the only things of permanence we really own? Be in this world, but not of it. Peace and Joy must somehow be the reward of this effort.Ah, yes, time to go to work...
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WORLDS OF POSSIBILITIES ...

Posted by Howard McQueen on February 4, 2009 at 2:00pm

© 2009 Howard McQueenPhoto By: Marta Fakhoury (Asheville, NC)What are the contents of this photo?A photo of snow falling from the sky?A photo of stars in the Milky Way?Our mind expands when we don’t have a fixed perspective, when we cannot judge because we cannot find a scale. We begin to imagine other possibilities.Snow flakes are crystalline worldsLike some butterflies or the day lily, their opening, living and loving life all occur within the duration of what we humans label one day. These life forms then begin their journey back to the formless.The snowflake is born high in the sky, rides the currents, is drawn by gravity, intermingles with other worlds of its own form, and drops to earth. This journey could begin and end in the duration of one minute.And the fate of this snow flake is to dissolve and merge into the surface of another, much larger form. This merging triggers a transformational change in both forms as they touch: solid crystal form turns to liquid water, nourishing this earth; earth as form then responds by absorbing water and manifesting a myriad of other forms, some microscopic, some gigantic, like the giant sequoia. Through direct experience, available virtually everywhere we walk, nature presents us examples of vast cycles of interconnected-ness - our birth-right. Deep down inside, we feel this calling to a stewardship and reverence to honor ourselves and all life forms nourished by Mother Gaia, the furnace of Father Sol and sustained by that which created and sustains the cosmos and this utterly fantastic interplay.One follow-upNow take a moment and view your body and all its organs, connective tissues, systems, structures and cells and realize that this body is your own domain, your own cosmos. And, for the most part, this complex interplay is sustained without any significant effort on your part. What a fantastic arrangement! Honor what you put into your body, how you exercise it, how you treat it and all the surfaces that it comes into contact with. Honor also the interface and interplay inside your mind and the belief structures stored in your mind and how they bring health or dis-ease to this exquisite form you inhabit. Honor your body-as-form for it too is of finite duration.Slow down | Stop | Take part in the unfolding | Connect with that which is greater than your mind-made self
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