Sort by
Newest Blogs
Most Popular
© 2009 Howard McQueenNo clue what to do with this taboo of angerI am looking sick, so leave me alone.I sense disconnection, this sicknessreaching deep into my bones.So many questions, so much adviceI vacillate from ambivalence to a nightmarish frightPretty pissed offshouldering these feelings of helplessness and despair.The shame, collapsed anger, the big taboo.I project victims: Pick one you like, something that pleases you.I’ve been so identified withthe health and vitality of my life.Must a’ done something really wrongto trigger this health crisis identity coming on so strong.My fault or someone else’s, who turned the trick?So much energy assigned to the either/or of blame.The young hawk, grounded, can no longer huntStoic / not stoic, I constantly shift polarities,trying to offer my best in my handicapped unrest.~ ~ ~I forwarded this poem to a friend. Here was her responseDelighted that you should write ... with so many other distractions in a busy, full (apparently) life. Young hawk, grounded .. that sure resonates. Not sure I feel anger regarding my prediciment ... probably more resignation in living the struggle for so many years. Rage somewhere not far beneath the surface ... but undistingusihable ... unwilling to reveal it's identity ... tho i often just wait in the struggle attempting to have it identify itself. (And as I reread this I realize I'm addressing more the almost life long emotional struggle rather than the more recent physical challenge)Spent most of the day in considerable struggle/pain ... mostly i believe because i made the decision to visit Seattle.. .. which adventure, in anticipation, creates a knot in my sternum and constricts me mightlily in many ways. A pill will make it go away ... but I'm attempting to dance with this here demon . I find myself saying I love you ... attempting, I believe, to connect with this mysterious other that cohabitates this body with me. I mouth the words .. even verbalize them ... but can't feel the feelings. Yet I know the love of which I speak. It's my nurturing arms around the shivering young one who was chilled to the bone ... an incident which I'm sure I shared with you. Puzzled/frustrated that I can't seem to connect the dots. I know what nurturing is/feels like, I can BE nurturing. and frequently am ... but it is so elusive having me FEEL love/nurtured/safe ... Resonate with you??I was challenged in reading your poem to know, as it went along, whose voice was articulating ... yours, or the [experiencer] ... as I sensed a shift in several places. seems worthy to consider a cup of tea over which to ruminate on this, and other topics.~ ... ~~~
Read more…
We ride on our own blessings ,along with all the other noble steeds -aroused by the provocations of our teachers and predecessorsA friend in Arizona recently cited the bolded line above and provided the following response.Of particular significance to me this day is the line: "We ride on our own blessings." Daily blessing was the major theme of the letter I just wrote Marketa an hour ago. The writing of that letter made me determined to do much more of it at gratitude log, on Twitter, at Facebook - without fail.Let us daily increase in: wisdom, love, gratitude, reverence, healing, peace, joy, happiness, laughter and prosperity.Love and Blessings X 10, If we don’t feel blessed, then we should perhaps ask ourselves if we have accepted living as “cursed”. Let me share with you my former symptoms of feeling cursed, and how it came about that I was able to shake off and ultimately lay down the curse.My curse I cursed my mom and especially my dad a lot,because they seemingly failed me,passing on their cursed experiences –they were the first that passed the spell, the curse, on to me.I slipped into this obsession of condemning them, as well as myself,then projected this condemnation everywhere and on everyone else.I cursed life itself, when it did not give me exactly what I wanted.In those times, I really berated and depreciated myself.I poked and prodded my wounded selfInto full inflammation, anger, aggressionThis hell I conjured up and made of my self.And one day all this projection reversed itselfAnd I saw the carnage and wreckage, the absence of love I’d brought to myselfI then spent a couple of years enrapt with trying to redeem myself.Till all of a sudden, that fever broke as wellMy blessings in Abundance In prayer, I laid myself open to all that had beenAnd there came to me a rightness of seeingin this momentary refrainof non-doing.Then there was up-rootingThen there was a longing, a desire, a bloomingand sense of belonging to a vast unconditional loveA fellowship to be cultivated within.Then there were profound expressions of fellowship with othersLaying down a template for telling truth as this moment unfolds.Then a commitment to work on laying down defensive and offensive actsTo be wide open and vulnerable to life.Then, a deeper appreciation for Prayer: A Radical Response to Life [1]That opened me to rise up with non-aggression and defend,internally and externally, the right conditionsfor love to be incubated, encouraged,cultivated, practiced, shared, and sealed with blessings.These seals of blessings,swim and play in our spirit ocean,as energetic potential for what can be,Come play with them and becomeinfected and transformed by their gentle, loving nature,their innocence, their seemingly naïveté,their accumulated depth of wisdom in loving and acceptingall that is, all that can be realized,by responding to the callings of your blessed inner Self.[1] Prayer: A Radical Response to Life, by Matthew Fox
Read more…
© 2009 Howard McQueenBe humbly presentCheck the clevernessAnd the entertainerAlong with all the false personas and prophetsAt the door, on your way in.Ground zeroContact with direct experienceNo mind stuffWhere is your energy stuck?Can you lend it your voice,Your patience, your attention,Your full being – NOW?Lets hear what the provoked voices have to say …
Read more…
© 2009 Howard McQueenWe are born creator-builders, imaginers ...We are realizing we are also quantum-equipped birthing portals,with an adolescent grip on consciousness,constantly birthing our thoughts, ideas and concepts into the world.We carry an emergent awarenessreturning inward, ready to unfold,stories to be rewritten and re-tolda chorus, a crescendo of “do-overs” [1] in our queue.Picking up momentum,aligning in synchronicityAn energetic wave formingNew potentialities emergentSpirit awakened, unleashedConsciousness infected, mutatedCleansing, purifying, un-crimping, healing,rearranging, deconstructing, undoing, removing and up-rooting,incubating, resuscitating, ...Life breathed back in and then back outnew lungs, gills, rebirth as tadpolesin this amniotic fluidity of consciousnesswe are re-born and we are re-parented and we re-parent each other.and it all begins againIn the Silencenew language, formed thru conscious intentlimitless possibilities, shaped by love’s consentfirm resolve underneath an infrastructuredissolved into allowing,encouraging that which is sacredto course through us.***This is nothing less than Love's Rap Song come tappin' on your door!Wha' cha' gonna' do?;-) - HM[1] A do over is identified when you recognize that you spoke from ego and not from your heart, so you ask for permission to speak again, and the words you choose come from your heart, as if they were carried on wings, so that your highest and purest intent shines through.~ ~ ~
Read more…
© 2009 Howard McQueenLetting go and falling into Surrenderstarts with shining your light of awarenessinto the places where you are hiding out.The sooner you surrender your helplessnessroom will be opened for the arrival of Grace.Allow everything to be liberatedto be whatever it isand there will be an immediatelessening of confusion through projection.Seeing clearly what is, we can live in peace.You and me, we are the living proofthat the poetry of longing is alive and well.
Read more…
© 2009 Howard McQueenYes indeed, it truly is our external world.A bit messy, yesWell, what else would you expect, with all the shenanigans and all the sufferin’ succotash going on.Well, well, what to do about it?Mmmmmmm. Lets start with my own inner world, where everything is created that shapes my outer world.A bit messy, yesWell, what else would you expect, with all the shenanigans and all the sufferin’ succotash going on.Well, well, what to do about it?Well, well, what to do about my own inner world? Let it come to rest.Aspects that won’t come to rest, these deserve illumination and caress.A steady diet of unconditional love.Ahhh. So many weeds of false beliefs.These deserve uprooting,but with the gentle ungloved hands of love.It may be that the roots run deep,so ever so gently,dig down deepand trace the roots,clearing the soiluntil you findand clear away the tap root.This gives you the pleasure tofully extract the weed in its entirety,then you can see its complete shape and formand how it fed so deeply within your soil.Love this extracted weedand remember to place it on the compost heap,then add your tears,to keep the compost moist and fully activated.
Read more…
© 2009 Howard McQueenGrieve deeply in this moment of attachments lost.Of Suffering, give it all to CREATOR.It was never yours to carry.You were, are and will always be the child of creation –Bear your fruit and live in the grace of the gifts of this Kingdom of Creation.With this Grief is summoned the Angel of Death –Providing the sacred service to carry away burdens of guilt and remorseAnd even the seemingly often cursed human Freedom-of-Choice.Dwell now, here, on this earth, in the Divine Attitude and Attainment, in your house honoring your indwelling Lord.This is the invitation and invocation to be lived in this lifetime.
Read more…
© 2009 Howard McQueenFundamentally, there is only consciousness,deeply identified with its forms.Humans thinking themselves to be like a tortoise,their only home, the self-constructed shell,or any make-do container to safe harbor identity.
Read more…
© 2009 Howard McQueenIt all begins with an aggressiontowards oneself,often then jumps as projection upon someone else,escalating to a transgression,this inner aggression flung upon another.Perhaps the other has the sense of beingto see the projection, and diffuse the bomb of reaction,so that what is now loosedbecomes a wondrousboomerang of a double giftof FORGIVENESS.
Read more…
© 2009 Howard McQueenWe are magnetically/energetically drawn to thosethat hold the unfolding of our experience.They hold pointers,both negative and positive charges,to guide us deeper into suffering,as well as into our own central expression of Oneness.We sense in them a talent,they seemingly ply so well to their trade.Deep inside, this gift has yet to blossom in us,still timid, slightly shy, somewhat afraid.Clean teachers wake us more directly to our potential calling.Messy teachers do the same, adding on their own luggage,their own wild goose chase.If susceptible, we chase their geese for awhile,in order to learn the deeper lessons.There are no mistakesThere are no sins.There can be emergence and clear seeing from thesmoke and smog of our self delusions.Teach the truth of clear seeing.Walk the walk, talk the vocabularyof your very best,work-in-process Truths.
Read more…
© 2009 Howard McQueenIt is so very easy to take noticethe shinning through radiance of another.Presence shines through their form.They exhibit a comfort in being in-their-skin,Fresh, alive, vulnerable, a kind of letting go in the world.A letting Grace manage whatever is to be encountered.Is it possible to be this trusting in your skin?You’ve been busy distrusting most of your life.How’s that been workin’ for ya?You and your willpower are akinTo spitting into a gale force wind.Try out just letting go.Let your essence shine through.No compromises anymore, be true to the essence of you,And you will then begin to fill ina fullness of your heart,a welling up of spiritand then you can just humbly radiate!
Read more…
© 2009 Howard McQueenDoubt, suspicion and cynicismthe trio of advisorsoften tellstay clear of that well,it is likely tainted.And we walk right past the purist of springsoffering to slake our thirst anddeeply nourish our soul.
Read more…
© 2009 Howard McQueenBefore we became entangledWe experienced direct engagementWith joy, discovery, play and our innocence.Then we were taught rulesWe learned, observing by exampleWe were bent by will, domesticatedTo perform, reform and conform to the worldTo survive, then succeed and thrive.In our innocence and naivety,We accepted this as the gospel.In revising our NowWe let all these obsessions and programming fall wayDisempowered, no longer resisted in any way.And we come full circle, progressively disentangled from past and conditioning.We are governed in the SilenceIt calls us to open more fullyTo live fiercely, completely vulnerableWith whatever we encounter.This is the real newsSimulcast now on every channel of Silence.~ ~ ~
Read more…
© 2009 Howard McQueenBe fully present and awareTo what is arisingInternally,as you experience the outside world.Notice.Feel into it, without judgmentHang with it.Be not persuaded to do anythingother than to honestly see an obscured facet of yourself.Especially when it appears in someone else!
Read more…
DISAPPOINTMENT© 2009 Howard McQueenI was to be the Host of the showand it started to blowas I was told folks could not show.Reschedule and holster your fragile ego,its way past time to do so.Be the Silence!Who are these children that speak and run wildIn their naïveté and exuberance?The answer they reveal:life is a patchwork of priorities to be navigatednot resisted: split up families, grandparents,double duty to honor all the rest.You are but a visiting Guest.Enjoy whatever opportunities happen in the moment –This more spontaneous alright-ness of all things,encourages a dynamic relaxing in aliveness of never knowing.Now, what was that about a fragile ego?Let it go,to drift below,to the furnace of Awakening Transformation.
Read more…
© 2009 Howard McQueenWe attach ourselves to people, objects in the world, beliefs, …Attachments, as we learn to feel into them, begin to revealAn ability for us to honestly appraise the energetic reactions and responses that encouraged our “attaching to” these relationships.Then, we can also feel into and surrender to our choice for continuing to sustain and the quality of these habitual patterns.Attributes like “how tightly we hold” an attachment or what is the nature of the psychic “cement” that forms the bond begin to illuminate and warm our awareness. We are well advised to bring loving-kindness to this work, else we can be harsh on ourselves and this can lead to denial and ascetic withdrawal.What a wonderful way to play and feel into what we are attached to and how we use our attachments to create a sense of security, or senses of [fill in the blank here]. What an amazing experience, this becoming self-aware through feeling into the quality of what and who we are attaching to ...
Read more…
© 2009 Howard McQueenA powerful energetically charged life situation arises.My habit – become small and contractedthen inflate the Angry double as stand-into act out in inverse behalf, anger and rage,smokescreen for tiny, powerless, victimized self,that escapes awayscampering into the labyrinthhiding places of the mind.
Read more…
© 2009 Howard McQueenAs we sweep aside the detritus of IgnoranceAnd allow the truth to flow,unimpeded and unrestricted through our energetic being,we liberate a unimagined potential to rebuild the new infrastructure,to incubate and grow by living together in Love, respect and freedom.The cloak, smoke, veil, wool pulled-over-our-eyes (whatever you call it) gig is up!Awareness has been tripped, the tipping point into we-ness, transpersonal awareness.This shift toward transformation is accelerating.Old infrastructures are being under-mined,sabotaged by the bonfires of the ego energy that has been long revered and worshiped.The fallout is instability in these structures that we are just learning to wean ourselves from.Our psychological attachments are being challenged,Long-standing, bought-into patterns and habits are proving to be non-sustainable.And a lot of fear is coming loose with the loosening of these attachments to the institutions we’ve entrusted our care to.There seems to be no other gentle way to invoke the un-doing that is needed.Hard landings, soft landings and everything in-between will be experienced.What was once subtle is increasing felt as a growing pressure to surrender fear and backfill this will something authentic. Love, liberty and the pursuit of work structures that support self-integrity, community goals and sustainability of the planet’s health and resources is emerging.This will greatly level the playing field,It will take time to unfold and it may neverbecome fully mainstream,however, know this:It will be practiced in a growing set of small communitiesand kept alive in spiritpreserved in our inheritance and our heritage.Sealed with blessings ...~~~...~~...~
Read more…
© 2009 Howard McQueenI was with a friend the other night and she was recounting a story of her best friend, who’s son was having repeated difficulties in his long-term romantic relationship. It seems his long standing live-in girl friend would occasionally leave him to try on greener pastures. Thus far, she has always come back.My friend became very enrapt in telling this tale. She was very emotionally involved and spoke on and on about the debilitating stress this placed on everyone in the family, especially the mom. Her friend, the mom, had just lost her husband.I felt the echoes of my friend, again deeply absorbed in her past loss of her husband, through infidelity and the associated emotional insanities, and the hardships that she encountered bringing up two kids and starting all over again. That time, for my friend, was frightening, caught in an emotional quicksand that is still alive deep inside her.Patterns of wounded-ness repeat themselves. We continue to walk past the locked-in-darkness rooms of the interior, where the torch of love has yet to shine brightly.I spoke words to this effect and her sense of emotional connection to the situation heightened, then she accused me of not being emotional and of being cerebral. She said that she felt that she had to become more emotional to make up for my emotional "distance". I've personally met her friend as well as the mom's son and the girlfriend, at the funeral of the father, where I grieved with everyone else.Mmmmmmm. Letting everything outside of me, be whatever it is and whatever it needs to beMy friend would wish everyone clear sailing and thus wants everyone in her life to go get counseling and shape up, so that her friend (and all of us) can be spared the additional burdens of dysfunctional family strife.As I speak my own peace, I remember to sip deeply from the well.When there is a wound in our emotional self,This is carried forward into the pretentiousness of adult life.We try and cover over our emotional, wounded immaturityby acting out our contrived, manufactured behaviors,The great big band-aid wrapped over our wounds.Her son, like all of uswill continue to queue this inner held griefuntil he goes inside and attends to the estrangement.And, this willingness to dive within may requirean increase in living in this pressure cookerheated by despair and depreciation.We humans have such a propensityfor wrestling with our delusion and suffering,before choosing to go inside.So, for me, I see a sort of divine benefit to repeated Suffering.It can bring us closer to the alterWhere we can willingly sacrifice our selfTo a greater will and force called Life,where we bring our brokenness and just let go of ego.And in this revealing, should we focus our intention,We can begin observing how choosing tore-parent ourselves from the inside out,brings a sacred healing.So, without any doubt,And with an ironic sense of satisfaction,If it is repeated sufferingthat is the sandpaper needed to wear us thin,know that this is what brought me toTHE ALTER OF LOVE!
Read more…
(C) 2009 Howard McQueenAaaaaaOOOOooooMmmmm ...Oh sacred Bedouin [1] spirit,wrapped in colorful shawl,you gaze out from your desert of desolation,stripped down to your beauty, essential and raw.Your intoxicating, percolating spiritpooling in the darkness of your eyes,immersed so deeply,steeped in dark, brooding Mystery.The rose, tucked away in a book of fine desert prose,one thousand years ago.Re-opened and read just now,provokes that exotic perfumed sensory whiffonce adorned and worn by you.Deep in your rapture,I am beholding again,the image of such uncomposed,underlying, vulnerableancient Beauty.~...~I am so grateful for you,sister held in soul,who chose to cut your hair and dieout on these high desert plainsjust one year ago.You constantly take my breath away,reminding me to persistently sipfrom the deeper wellof eternal nourishment.[1] Bedouin: a member of a nomadic tribe, a wanderer, moving about according to the seasons (in this case, the interior seasons supported by the soul).~ ~ ~
Read more…
