POETRY OF INNER GROWTH & AUTHENTICITYCelebrating a bit more than twelve months of writings(c) 2009 Howard McQueenIs the external world going from bad to worse?Many of us feel extremely stressed out living in this rapidly changing world. The vast majority of us feel our sense of financial security is slipping away. Many of us are also perplexed, if not deeply discouraged, in our efforts to engage in and sustain intimacy with a significant other. We are feeling deeply insecure and are uncertain as to how to step forward and improve these dilemmas, these our life situations we find ourselves in.The nature of fearIt is more and more common for us to find ourselves in a fearful place. When fear enters us, we literally shrink and cower down, and our perspective and relationships with life does as well.When we are fearful, especially when the fearful conditions persist, we are forced to adapt and cope. If the fear is too extreme, we enter trauma, and we shut down. Fear urgently cries out for us to step up and control the situation, to lessen or abate the psychological and/or physical pain. To do whatever it takes to accomplish this.When we were small children, and relatively powerless, we figured out how to escape into our mind, where we learned to hang out. You can notice children that are dull and lifeless, as they are trying to hide and not be present in the moment. Deep down inside, this same child resides within you, and it is continuing to trigger the current you, as you circle back through unresolved childhood painful experiences.As we grow into adulthood, we develop other strategies for managing unresolved pain: we become workaholics (we control some aspect of our environment instead of choosing to learn to become vulnerable and intimate); we use alcohol and drugs (we sedate ourselves from our outer and inner environment) or we become hermits (we continue to hide out). We may even turn to spirituality as a means to sedate/control our mounting inner turmoil.We increasing find ourselves in an ever-deepening dilemma of personal suffering. For most of us, we end up choosing expressions of life represented by these two polar energetic behavior extremes:• anger/aggression• grief/depressionWe may exhibit bi-polar symptoms, bouncing between the two polarities. Both of these expressions of life are strategies that attempt to cope and control the underlying causal fear and unresolved energies running deep in our sub-conscious.Like great big buzzards in the sky, we unknowingly circle around our unresolved childhood traumas, repeatedly allowing our emotional immaturity to sabotage our attempts to be an adult and to have authentic, loving, intimate relationships with life and our fellow human beings.We sense however, something is either dead, or dying -- It is how we feel about ourselves, our inner innocence and joy, our inner, smothered child.Poetry of Inner growth and authenticityI began writing poetry in late 2008, in part as my own therapy and to also give myself a record of how I was feeling and how I was seeing myself and my sense-of-self in relationship to the external world. I have published over 95% of these entries, uncensored, on Asheville Sangha.In late 2008 and regularly throughout 2009, I engaged in individual and group experiential (and experimental) work. All of it brought illumination to what I was experiencing inside myself. With a bit of practice and a bit of guidance, I have learned to open myself up, from the inside-out, and this poetry is my diary of how I am experiencing my inner world.In early 2009, I experienced a major breakthrough in accepting and loving my father 100% for exactly who he was. In the summer of 2009 I experienced an equivalent breakthrough in my romantic relationship at that time and in December of 2009, another breakthrough was realized with my mother.All of these breakthroughs were inner and perceptual. They all revolved around accepting the behaviors of another and no longer judging or blaming them for the symptomatic suffering that had been so prevalent in my life.I would say that 2009 has been a series of ongoing lessons in learning to surrender. The surrender is seeing the futility in trying to control another, or the outside world, and to put all of my attention and intention in architecting internal perceptual shifts, in how I am perceiving my relationship with the external world.Here is the wisdom I have pulled together from these past twelve months or so:1: If something or someone in your external world is triggering us emotionally, this is an invitation to look inside ourselves at what is running within us, and to do the work to uncover the message bring brought to us. Once we have done this and see what is lacking in our inner world, we can become the nourishing parent and give our inner child the guidance and loving nournishment being cried out for2: Every single human being, the Buddha and Christ included, were born into the world with the obstacles and challenges. There are an overwhelming set of conditional experiences placed on any child born into this world. The important thing to remember is that three cycles of attention (as best described in the Fifth Agreement, by Miguel Ruiz and his son) are available to us, and we can use these to mature emotionally and spiritually to shift our perception of our experience and relationship with the world. These are:o The first attention we end up perceiving ourselves as victims. In this attention, we see ourselves as the world is happening to and victimizing us. Most of us are in this first attention.o The second attention we connect to our inner warrior and we do the emotional, mental and physical cleansing to clear our pathways of awareness (this is best described in the book The Presence Process, by Michael Brown). This second cycle of attention allows us to regain our authenticity and be joyful, peaceful and empowered in this world. We have very strong boundaries and are freed from our imprisioning emotional immaturity.o The third attention is that of mastering the dreaming of our life, and that we become increasingly barrierless and boundary-less and more and more in touch with the Oneness of life itself. The third attention has its pathway through the heart, and for many of us, calls upon us to become authentic and intimate and create "we spaces", holding and sustaining this space with one (or more) significant others (romantic or not). May we be blessed with teachers holding the space for this attention!My poetry is about my journey and my experiences and my interrelations with my fellow humans and all of life.For me, the journey still has the occasional bump in the road, the occasional shock of deep insecurity or rejection and the persistent noise of the mind wanting to steer my life back into the old comfortable, habitual, semi-unconscious patterns of the victim attention past.From my perspective, there is this unbelievable love and joy and comfort with the world clearly resolving. So much of this I attribute to the work I have done to give myself the love that I have felt to be missing (again, I credit the book, The Presence Process and one specific teacher www.michaelregan.us) for accelerating and pointing me into myself and the processes I have needed to engage in. I've also engaged my chiropractor and my acupuncturists and close friends in conversations with stages and course-corrections in my journey.To the question of “Is the external world going from bad to worse”, my answer isIt does not matter!As to the nature of fear:Use the presence process and the adept teachers and face your fearso you can start putting down all the manufacturing of anger/aggressionand grief/depression and fill yourself inwardly with joy, and authenticityWe have the distinct privilege and opportunity to re-architect our world, this time, from the inside-out, as we invoke a combination of the second and third attentions. We are not born to remain victims!Much love to all of you taking up the inner work.I’ll do my part and keep churning out the poetry. Always glad to be of any assistance personally, if called upon.Howard McQueenDecember 30, 2009howard@mcq.comUSA 828.280.4780Poetry of inner growth and authenticityLife Coaching
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We do live in a body. God living in all these bodies simultaneously.
What an adventure. God Inside, who doesn't want to be known that way,
yet God nonetheless. So we have these imperfect human life stories
whilst all the time the Perfection Within is peering out of our eyes.
Wow. Maybe the imperfection of the human and the it's life story is a
constant reminder to look back within and Be who we really are.
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I've made a recent friendship with a hospice nurse and just forwarded this note and blessing on to her.Hello new and soon-to-be dear friend,I was rapidly thumbing through the book of blessings, thinking I would take one to the family Christmas dinner. As chance would have it, the pages stopped on the blessings for a Nurse. Then, I remembered you were a hospice nurse, and then I knew why the page stopped on this blessing.I got to know the entire rotation of Hospice nurses, and even the Chaplin, that came to my mom and dad's house, as my father was released from his cancer riddled body, in January 2003. He was 83.So, this is a more proper blessing, for the nurse in you. The tears flow as I type this, and then my mouth forms a gentle, upturned smile.Many, many blessings to you, for the work you undertake.I'll bring this book of blessings down with me, as I'd like to read you the one, On New Beginnings.BLESSINGS: FOR A NURSEExcerpted from the book: Bless the Space Between UsWritten by: John O’DonohueYour mind knows the world of illness,The fright that invades a personArriving in out of the world,Distraught and grieved by illness,How it can strip a life of its joy,Dim the light of the heartPut shock in the eyes.You see worlds breakingAt the onset of illness:Families at bedsides distraughtThat their mother’s name has come upIn the secret lottery of misfortuneThat had always chosen someone else.You watch their helpless loveThat would exchange places with her.The veil of skin opened,The search through the body’s nightTo remove tissue, war-torn with cancer.Young lives that should be out in the sunEnjoying life with wild hearts,Come in here lamed by accidentAnd the lucky ones who leave,Already old and in captive posture.The elderly, who should be prepared,But are frightened and unsure.You understand no oneCan learn beforehandAn elegant or easy way to die.In this fragile frontier-place, your kindnessBecomes a light that consoles the brokenhearted,Awakens within desperate stormsThe oasis of serenity that callsThe spirit to rise from beneath the weight of pain,To crate a new space in the person’s mindWhere they gain distance from their sufferingAnd begin to see the invitationTo integrate and transform it.May you embrace the beauty in what you doAnd how you stand like a secret angelBetween the bleak despair of illnessAnd the unquenchable light of spiritThat can turn the darkest destiny towards dawn.May you never doubt the gifts you bring;Rather, learn from these frontiersWisdom for your own heart.May you come to inheritThe blessings of your kindnessAnd never be without care and loveWhen winter enters your own life.
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THE FIFTH AGREEMENT, a Practical Guide to Self MasteryA Toltec Wisdom BookDon Miguel Ruiz and Don Jose RuizSeveral excerpted quotes from this fine, easy to read bookThe mastery of awareness is to be aware of our own creation, to be aware that it’s [what we are creating from moment to moment] alive.Every one of our beliefs, from a minimal one like the sound of a letter to a whole philosophy, is using our life force to survive. Without us, these ideas [and beliefs] could not exist; without us, the whole structure would collapse.By the time we grow up, our faith is already invested in so many lies that we hardly have any power left to create the dream that we want to create.If we have [regain] the awareness that we invest our personal power in everything that we believe, perhaps it will be easy to take our power back from the symbols, and those symbols will no longer have any power over us. If we take the power out of every symbol, the symbols become just symbols, they will obey the creator, the real us, and they will merely be a tool to communicate. The tyranny of the symbols is very powerful.[You will regain the] freedom to live your own life, instead of the life of you belief systems. […]As you unlearn all the lies, […] you begin to dismantle the structure of your knowledge, and this frees your faith.The way to measure the impeccability of your word is by your emotional reaction. Are you happy [joyous] or are you suffering?The Five Agreements (the Mastery of Transformation)1. Be impeccable with your word2. Don’t take anything personally3. Don’t make assumptions4. Always do your best5. Be skeptical, but learn to listenThe dream of the three attentions1. The dream of the victim2. The dream of the awakened warrior3. The dream of mastery of your dreaming
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Posted by Trey Carland on December 26, 2009 at 10:27pm
I hope you all are enjoying the holiday season, and gearing up for the new year to come. The days have started getting longer and Winter has reminded us what it's like to be on the side of the planet tilted away from the sun ;) If you're interested, below you will find my latest blog post. Be well.
I took a bit of a break from writing between March and November. I felt a need to wind down a bit. That’s due in part to a feeling of, “What more is there to say?” Anything I said would just be a repeat of something that’s already been said. But I have benefitted greatly from re-reading the same thing at a later date, as well as reading the same thing stated a different way. Plus, technically there is nothing “new” about anything I’ve said so far. So, I decided to start putting ideas on digital paper again and ended up at the beginning again – mindfulness.
If you want to live a better life, filled with less stress and anxiety, it’s really quite simple. It all begins with mindfulness. The ability to notice what’s going on in the mind and body is crucial, and also takes practice. We can’t really control our thoughts because they have a mind of their own (no pun intended). What we can do is take a step back from our thoughts and witness their redundant, incessant, and often trivial activities.
Anyone can notice what thoughts they are thinking at any moment in time just by “looking.” One way to start out might be to deliberately think thoughts, or mentally recite something while you watch the thoughts happen. There are your thoughts, and here you are, witnessing them. I recommend you do this as often as possible with your everyday thoughts since mindfulness creates a solid foundation for a better life.
If you want to take mindfulness to the next level, you can “look” at who or what is witnessing these thoughts. “Who am I,” is the basic question to ask over and over again, while continuing to direct your attention toward the witness behind your thoughts. However, that is a topic for another discussion, and I think most people start out just practicing mindfulness on a more personal level, focusing attention on their life situation.
On that more personal level of mindfulness, you can really learn a lot about yourself when you watch how you think in different situations. I have found it immensely helpful to have read books by Eckhart Tolle and Byron Katie because they have helped point out specific repetitive thought structures that most of us have going all the time, as well as their adverse affect on our state of being. In fact, I wouldn’t even know that these thoughts were going on, much less that they were at the root of my problems, had it not been for these great teachers. Simply knowing that thoughts prevent us from seeing the beauty all around is an idea that encourages us to get out of our heads and to wake up.
There are a few basic kernels of wisdom that I have found helpful to keep in mind while being mindful. I am not my thoughts. I can’t control my thoughts, but I can observe them. My thoughts only represent my past conditioning. When I feel worried, I realize that I am mentally living in an imagined future. Life is my mirror, and when I think negatively of another, it is actually me I am thinking negatively of. I forgive easily and forget quickly.
If someone lashes out at me, rather than react, I try to notice what thoughts or emotions are triggered. In most cases, no reaction is better than any action at all. I recognize that I am not the cause of their upset, nor they of mine. Past conditioning and mental stories are the actual culprits. When I do notice resentment, I bring myself back to the present moment, realizing that, in reality, the past never really happened. I am the only one keeping it alive with my thoughts. Plus, since no two people see anything the same way, the past I’m feeding is completely different from that of another.
Feelings of conflict or stress can serve as a reminder to notice what thoughts are doing to me. Since negativity always stems from some sort of judgment, it helps to mentally do The Work (by Byron Katie) throughout the day. When I find myself lost in compulsive and repetitive thought, I notice the frustration that can cause, then try to bring attention back to what I am doing at this moment and give it my full attention.
The thing I’ve noticed about being mindful, and the knowledge I’ve gained from looking at my reactive nature, is that the movement of mind is very subtle. My ability to notice when I feel defensive has improved dramatically, and there is much less stress and conflict in my life. But, this can make it more disturbing when conflict does occur. A feeling of frustration or disappointment is often present after a stressful moment has occurred. A feeling is like a hidden thought that is not in words but felt in the body, and is sometimes more difficult to notice. If investigated, I find that this negative feeling might stem from thoughts like: “I should know better,” or “ When will I realize that my thoughts just a result of past conditioning?” or “ Why can’t I recognize that I am the only cause of conflict in my life?” or “ When will I be free of compulsive thinking?”
All of these questions are simply forms of self-judgment that can carry us away into a story of lack and insufficiency if left unchecked. It helps me when I notice these thoughts or feelings of self-judgment to remember the necessity of all things. For example, it is necessary for me to feel or experience such thoughts in order to point out hidden pockets of resistance. It is my challenge to be made aware of my resistance to what is, then accept what is (even if I am accepting my own lack of acceptance). What I experience is what I need to experience, even if it doesn’t feel all that pleasant. Accepting one’s own failure to live up to some mind created standard is a practice that grows easier with continuous self-observation. As a result, failure is seen as success in spotting the falseness of the mind created standard.
This is all part of a gradual Awakening. Life just gets better as we release old habits and ways of thinking. The past we drag around with us seems to get heavier as we go, but it has always been heavy. We are just starting to realize just how heavy it really is. Mindfulness is at the root of lightening the load.
Peace,
Trey
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Several quotes on the healing process of forgiveness, with author's names intact:From a place of radical responsibility, the below quote on forgiveness is pretty illuminating:"Forgiveness is really self-forgiveness. If the world is simply a reflection of your own mind, if all blame and judgement are projections of your own guilt and self-attack, then forgiveness of others releases both the others and the subconscious guilt within you. Guilt is really a form of arrogance which makes life all about oneself, rather than just learning the lesson, correcting the mistake and moving on. Forgiveness puts things in perspective and brings back innocence. It returns life to ease, flow and confidence. Forgiveness is not a form of winning the competition while another fails. Nor is it about condescension or superiority. It is not deigning to grant the other mercy - which is really superiority (hidden judgement and overcompensation for guilt and feelings of inadequacy) and competition (distraction from success and fear of the next step)."- Chuck SpezzanoGot Forgiveness?By Sheri RosenthalThe key to forgiveness is to forgive from the heart not from the mind. Knowing in your rational mind that your parents did the best they could to raise you is not enough to constitute forgiveness. If you have any type of negative emotional reaction in the presence of someone, you have not truly forgiven that person. What would happen if you took 5 minutes to walk in the other person's shoes? Could you find compassion for them to understand why things happened the way they did?Forgiveness doesn't mean you have to agree with what they did or how they did it. Not at all. Your values and beliefs may be very different from theirs. It simply means that you can see the whole truth of what happened and that the Truth encompasses all points of view, not just your own. True compassion of the human experience is that place from which all forgiveness begins. Compassion is an act of unconditional love that is free of any attachment.Forgiveness is about seeing life with clarity so that you stop judging the activities of others and, instead, take responsibility for your interpretation of those activities. When you judge something that happens in life as good or bad, right or wrong you aren't able to have gratitude for the challenges and experiences life sends your way. No matter how enlightened a person you may be, challenging situations will always happen. However, if you have gratitude for life's challenges you will always find your joy in life and never feel victimized by your circumstances.Once you have seen the truth you simply make the decision to let go of the pain, anger, and resentment you have been holding on to. If you are addicted to your pain, resentment, self-righteousness, this might be a challenging step for you. There is comfort in what we find familiar, even if we are suffering. However, once you let go, the weight of the world will be released from your shoulders.In the forgiveness process, it is important to forgive not only the other people in our lives, but also ourselves. For most people, forgiving ourselves is more difficult then forgiving others. Here are a few things to check in with yourself to see if you could use some forgiveness on.- Forgive yourself for using people in your life to hurt yourself.- Forgive yourself for not having clarity, for blaming others, and for not taking responsibility for your actions.- Forgive yourself for wounding others and for the anger, jealousy, and hate you've directed toward others.- Forgive yourself for participating in situations that went against your integrity.- Forgive yourself for not respecting yourself.- Forgive yourself for not trusting yourself and having faith in your abilities.- Forgive yourself for trying to control the people you love.- And, of course, forgive yourself for not loving yourself 100% just the way you are!If you forgive you will be truly happy, and your life will reflect the change back to you in every way. After all, what we think in our minds is what manifests in our lives! The bottom line is that we forgive not because the other person necessarily deserves it, but because we do not want to carry that load around until we die. Anger, hate, and jealousy will make you old, resentful and ugly, inside and out. The question is, how much do you love and respect yourself? Is it enough to give yourself the gift of forgiveness? I hope so. With All my love & blessings!Sheri Rosenthal DPM is a master Toltec teacher and author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Toltec Wisdom. Having trained with don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements, she currently takes students on spiritual journeys, works with personal apprentices and enjoys being extremely happy. You can reach her at info@sherirosenthal.com or www.sherirosenthal.com & www.journeysofthespirit.comRead more…
(C) Howard McQueenTo be at peace and able to enter play and be playful.To have been depressed and stressedand to have pierced through all thismakes for such an amazing journey.It is a beautiful thing to uncover yourselfand trust in what is buried deepest within.It is a treasure, a trusting, an allowing,a resting in a lovethat stops the mind,for there is nothing to compare.It is our true nature,unbound from the virus of fearand fear's controlling nature.Childhood innocence,combined with uncovered intuition,ushers in the mystery of each moment.Not knowing, we openallowing it all to remain flowingthrough us freely.Nothing being caught or snagged,just allowing the eternal flow.So, even when we stumble and fall,we know this is but another momentto also be experienced,not judged.Judgment halts the flow,charges the particles,sets the polar opposites into motion.All these energies are then reflected in our emotions, our mind and our body.Let us choose to be sustained by our innermost, uncovered Joy,loving and cherishing whatever is arising.Mmmmmmm.~...~~~.....~ *The journey within begins by slowing down your spinning and out-of-control external world, to the point where we have freed up a smidgen of attention and intention to begin rearranging and cleaning the inner environment. As more and more inner drama and torment falls away, we learn to bring forward our inner compassion and our inner love to clean the toxic fear held in the fabrics of our emotional-mental-physical bodies. As this cleansing unfolds, we reach a point where we intuitively know that we no longer need to resort to the "old habits" entrained around fear and control and we can just let go and allow the moment to unfold.My recent, on-the-road gypsy experiment has been revealing to me, through direct experience, that I am finding myself amongst radiant, beautiful beings, wrapped in human flesh and bone, caught up in the spiritual river and its flowing.This shared being-ness, in my humble opinion, is the Kingdom of Heaven manifesting on this Earth!And, it probably comes as no surprise, many of these beings were or are connected in some way to the Temple of the Universe.May all this whet your appetite and deepen your journey within!Blessings to you, on this fine, cold morning of December 21, 2009 - Howard
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Riding the waves of Douglas Adam's wit in his many books [1], if there were a galactic curator aware of the vast inter-galactic forms of life, how might our earth-bound humanity be referenced in an short blurb in a inter-galactic travel brochure?The Grand Galactic Curator's notes onwhy you might want to pay a visit to earth / humanity:Six.five billion canvasses,a small, rare, loosely held together,often conflictedlife form,in a remote paradise setting,well off the beaten trail.Consciousness is again in bloom.Clearly worthy of the travel time tomake this amazing visit.Make sure you remain completely incognitowith most of the homo sapiens,and be sure to converse and engagethe very cheeky dolphin with riddles and puns.***Please feel free to jump in, be silly, or serious, and add your own travel advisories,[1] Wikipedia: Douglas AdamsThe biologist Richard Dawkins dedicated his book, The God Delusion, to Adams, writing on his death that, "science has lost a friend, literature has lost a luminary, the mountain gorilla and the black rhino have lost a gallant defender."
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(C) 2009 Howard McQueenTo label yourself, or anyone broken,or permanently damaged goods,is to subscribe to the notionthat a yet to be completed,rare piece of living artis something other than Creation's utterlymagnificent work-in-process.Human-ness, the eternally malleableand grand expressiveness of clay [1]constantly being shaped and animatedthrough the invisible handsof the grand force of life.Bent, wizzened, scarred and weathered - yes.And such stories from those who have faced the difficult quests,the heartbreaking aspects of our journeyinginto the Mystery,riddled with the fear and need for control by the human mind,contained and sustained by eternal spirit,clothed temporarily,in the clay of human flesh.[1] A nod of appreciation to the author of such beauty, John O'Donohue for the human clay theme.
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(C) 2009 Howard McQueenVery few things in the external worldreally need tending to.So much motion and commotionand momentum already underway.When you let your inner selfreally wind down,old habits and their effortingstend to drop away.And people connected to these effortingsdrift along and on their own way.What is left in the quietude and silence,are the raw materials and environmentfor new beginnings: transformation,reinvention,this time undertaken from the inside-out,not manufacturing to please or fix the outside."My business is not being in anyone else's business" [1]My business is tethered to transforming my own space inside,built in relationship to unconditional lovethe fabric and feeling of welcoming Self home.Then, radiating this feeling and vibration outward,a signal of connection to that which is eternal.I remember, but can no longer find or resolve,that which was once the frightened, separate "me".*** ... ~~~ ~ .We become so undone, so unraveled from our mischief that we stop all doings and rest in our being.[1] a nod of appreciation to Byron Katie for this notion
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