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NEEDING - by BillWalz

“We need one more thing to make us happy.  One thing leads to the next, perpetuated by our desire to have final satisfaction.  But the next experience feels uneasy, and we still need one more thing… The desire to feel satisfied is a continual process that drives our lives, and the end result is suffering… it’s just what ends up happening when we are driven by negative emotions.  -  Sakyong Mipham (Turning the Mind into an Ally)

 

What do we really need?  That simple question could well be an important key to happiness and wisdom.  And beyond the question of what do we really need is the more germane question:  Why are our needs so endless?  What are all these wants that, at a deep psychological level, become needs?  Sakyong Mipham, the Tibetan/American meditation teacher gives a very good answer when he says, “it’s just what happens when we are driven by negative emotion.” – as we certainly are, either very blatantly or subtly, much of our waking lives. 

 

We want things to be better; we want more for ourselves than life is giving.  We have an emotional uneasiness as to whether we are enough, and so have a rather unlimited sense of needing more, and for our situation to be better.  And when things are the way we want them to be, we want them to stay that way – but they don’t, they can’t.  Everything changes, but what we want is unchanging happiness - without even knowing what that means.  So, we experience anxiety, anger, jealousy, worry, sadness, despair – negative emotions that drive us.

 

There are many extrapolations of Buddhism’s Four Noble Truths on the nature of suffering, but a very useful variation is that we suffer because, whether we express it as a need or a want, we often experience that we need things to be different from the way they are in order to control our negative emotions.  Again, this can be on very blatant or subtle levels, and taking that extrapolation to the teaching’s resolution, the fourth of the Truths, we could say that the way out of negative emotional suffering is to not need for things to be different from the way they are in order for us to be OK. 

 

“Well, of course,” you say.  When this moment is the way I want it to be, I am fine, I am happy, and when it is not the way I want it to be, I am not fine and happy.  Isn’t that the natural way of things?  But herein lies our problem.  Our well-being is then dependent on the circumstances of our lives as we interpret them in our minds.  This is neither natural – meaning the way of Nature, nor is it an enlightened relationship to our unique human capacity to relate to life with abstracting intelligence. 

 

Happiness is a mental state.  It occurs in the mind.  Nothing outside of ourselves is the source of our happiness, rather our mind deciding it is happy with what is happening is the source of our happiness.  What is unfortunate is that we don’t realize that we have the capacity to cultivate the mental state of happiness (more accurately, well-being) as our natural state in a manner that can be largely independent of the circumstances of our lives.  Ultimate happiness (non-suffering) is the result of our embrace of every moment just the way it is.

 

One of the great Zen lessons – a Koan from the 9th Century Chinese Zen master Rinzai  – asks us, “This moment, what is lacking?”  And when we are unhappy, we believe the answer to be that what is lacking is what we think we need to make the moment more fulfilling, satisfying, safe, or whatever qualifier we have in our mind.  The truth is that when we are fully present in any moment in our natural mind, it is as contemporary Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh tells us, “This moment is a perfect moment, this moment is my refuge.”  Refuge from what? From the suffering, the unsatisfactoriness of having the moment being different than what in our minds we think we need it to be.  We live in the subtle and not-so-subtle experience of believing our fulfillment is not in this moment just as it is, but in some next moment that will be exactly the way we need for it to be to experience perfect happiness.

 

Buddhism teaches of the thickness and multidimensionality of existence.  Mostly, we live in the mind our society conditions into us, our egoic (what Buddhists call “little”) mind, trapped in needing for its fulfillment some fantasy idea of a perfect self - finding fantasy perfection in a fantasy world.  This mind is extremely limited in its perceptive abilities, and tends to focus on what is lacking, rather than the totality and potentiality of what is present.  This is the world of samsara, suffering. 

 

However, Buddhism teaches that there is also the macro-world of the Big Mind, of our Being-self, in harmony with the Universe realizing that there is no separate self. There is always and only the Universe expressing itself in its fullness through this form we experience as our self-in-the-given-moment, all interconnected and perfect just as it is.  Nothing is needed because to need is to be separate from the whole of what is, and there is no separation.  This is the mind of enlightenment, and this is the mind into which Buddhist teaching and meditation can open us.

 

Imagine the total freedom, the total liberation when we realize that at an ultimate dimension always available to us, nothing more is needed, that this moment, exactly as it is, is perfect, exactly as it is.  This is what in the Shambala tradition of Sakyong Mipham is called Shamatha – peaceful abiding.  Within us all is the ability to abide peacefully in the present moment exactly as it is, not needing anything to be different to quell our negative emotions, not needing to get to the next moment to quiet the restless little mind of ego questing for fulfillment of its fantasy identity in a fantasy world.  Right here.  This moment, nothing lacking.   This is enlightenment.  This is the heart of Buddhism. 

 

Does this mean to live passively?  No – it means to do what needs to be done to support and protect our lives and all life.  It also means to bring forth our efforts in the service of evolving an ever more conscious, compassionate and loving human society, but none of it from negative emotion.  As Asian philosophy expert Alan Watts wrote:  “Everything is as it can be.” And this moment is exactly as it can be as the platform for the next moment in the very big picture.  When we embrace what is, we can become courageous co-authors with the Universe of what will be. 

 

Nothing is fixed and permanent.  Everything is both being and becoming. What is, is.  And what will pass, will pass.  And what will be, will be.  And our fantasies do not have to be the impotent protests or the narcissistic desires of an individual driven by negative emotions from one perceived need to the next, but rather visions of what can be in an enlightened human society.

 

“The purpose of Buddhism is to study ourselves and to forget ourselves.  When we forget ourselves, we actually are the true activity of the big existence, or reality itself.  When we realize this fact, there is no problem whatsoever in this world, and we can enjoy our life.” - Shunryu Suzuki (1904-71)

 

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CONSENSUS

(c) 2011 Howard McQueen

 

Don't try to convince us,

don't even condense the message into sound bytes.

Stop all this putting lipstick on the pig.

 

Let us, together,

speak of our own shared values,

our heritage,

our legacy

and what we most desire to consciously

manifest - together.

 

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JUST EXPERIENCE

(C) 2011 Howard McQueen

 

In the end,

we are born to experience.

 

We are trained and indoctrinated

to judge,

rather than just observe

and witness

and be in awe

of this magnificent existence.

 

 

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FLOWING TO SOURCE

(C) 2011 Howard McQueen

 

This creek that constantly flows,

feeding all life,

quenching thirst,

whispering its language

 that also smooths sharp stones.

 

The language of perpetual flow,

around obstacles and impediments,

joining other flows,

making the long journey back

to the merging with Source.

 

 

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No Me Yo Ho Rengay KeyO [1]

(C) 2011 Howard McQueen

 

May the Stillness

 concentrate and focus within you,

and then radiate outwards

 to bless whatever is manifest.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[1] An approximate phonetic rendering of the Buddhist chant, followed by a personal interpretation.

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ACCESSING THE SILENCE

(c) 2011 Howard McQueen

 

Before any action,

before any thought,

the Stillness ... exists.

 

Accessible to all,

to dip your ladle,

to stir your pot

or

to let it all come to rest

 and discover the clarity

 contained in the Stillness.

 

The Stillness remains completely unchanged

 however much your own personal pot

 may boil over

 or become agitated and opaque.

 

In every moment

 realize you are at choice

 to offer and embrace clarity or confusion.

 

Open to the Stillness.

Allow yourself to be washed clean.

Offer all that troubles you to the Stillness.

Offload your sadness and grief.

Become the messenger of a newly discovered peace.

Speak openly your deepest honesty.

Demonstrate,

Articulate,

through behavior,

the reverence and responsiveness

 born within your own manifestation of the Stillness. 

 

 

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MASTERING YOUR DREAMING

From the Don Miguel Ruiz Daily Archives 

 

Today use your awareness to see how this message is true in your life:

 

We don't need to escape from life; we don't need to deny our own nature. What we need is complete awareness and self-acceptance. We need to learn to make our own choices and finally control our will from the inside. That is what makes us a dream master. Where we choose to put our attention is what creates the miracle. 

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ENCOURAGING CONVERSATION


© 2011 Howard McQueen

 

It is when people stop talking and start plotting,

that we begin to feel we might become harmed,

that we then consider the option of taking up arms.

 

Why is it we give up keeping conversation alive,

and are willing instead, to let parts inside shrivel or fry,

and on the outside, we let our sons and daughters die?

 

What could be more important

than encouraging our voices to remain in conversation.

In conversation, we can chance to look into someone’s face,

and take the chance to see that, even in anger,

even after their violence has escaped,

we are best served by encouraging conversation

to remain alive,

to keep us connected.

 

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WHERE COMPASSION AND UNITY DWELL

© 2011 Howard McQueen

 

As we capture and focus our attention

  into the service of navigating toward unity,

  we begin to meet in the vast field [1]

  where compassion and love dwell.

 

As we learn to nourish family and community,

  we begin to tend to the soil

  fertilized and nourished by our shared, core values.

 

As we learn to heal ourselves

  and hold this healing space and environment for others,

  we restore a sense of safety

  that was once lost,

  or taken away;

And we rebuild connections to this field,

  uncovering a depth-of-compassion

  in the sharing of heart-space.

 

As each individual trusts in the safety to uncover,

  we as family and community discover

  we can communicate via a life-giving language,

  in an ongoing dialog

  that begins to dispel and dissolve

  fear and aggression      

  and holds the space

  for cooperation, trust and their mother,

  love, to flourish.

 

Were I to choose one paramount core value today,

  it would be to communicate compassionately [2].

 

As humans, we are born with the desire and need to express,

  connect and share.

It is primarily through our language and behavior

  that we express what is alive within each of us.

Additional expressions can be poetry, music, food, art

  and the many other thought forms and emotions we birth

  and release into the world.

 

And, we are all trying, 

  often struggling

  with healing from our torn and seemingly broken

  sense of safety.

Considerable encouragement

  and practice is often needed to let go

  of the sadness and grief

  and the defensive behaviors we constructed

  to seemingly secure our safety.

 

As we engage in community

  we all face the sometimes daunting challenge

  of creating and holding the space for each of us to grow,

  while also growing collectively as a community, tribe, …

 

Individual Growth Dynamics

Who is better equipped to advocate for your needs, than you?

No one else (Yet!) knows or has access to your inner landscape, than you.

If you withdraw from advocating your needs, you will create and empower separation, disappointment and sadness.

If you excessively trumpet your needs, you will not hold the shared space for unity and safety to take root to include you.

 

Group Growth Dynamics

When the group notices than an individual’s needs are not being met, the group learns to gently advocate that a person either find their voice, or tone down their voice.  There are many creative modalities, including ZEGG Forum, that the group can use to help individuals become transparent (so they can be seen and heard and reveal hidden aspects of self).  When this is done in a safe environment, the group builds understanding and compassion. 

 

In Summary

Each person is ultimately responsible for advocating for their 100%, to meet their needs, and, in family and community, these individual needs are best overlaid on the broad canvass of well defined shared core values.

 

Navigating life circumstances under the old power-over hierarchical structures create the need to constantly compromise.  This creates win/loose situations and a sense of disempowerment.  Under a shared power community structure (governed by consensus, Sociocracy, etc.) , individuals are encouraged to speak their 100%.  Everyone then navigates via consensus (to give their consent, or block a proposed solution by articulating how the approach is not aligned with core, shared values).  Using this approach, individuals feel empowered and win/win solutions are crafted. 

 

As the group becomes increasingly sensitized to the language used in discussion and dialog, care is taken to identify when moralistic judgments are spoken or when personal agendas become invasive.   As these are identified, time is taken to invoke the heart-space, encouraging “do-overs” that reconnect the speaker and the group to shared heart space and the core values that ensure the safety of the container, creating a vital, alive community.

 

 

[1] From a Poem by Rumi

[2] Non Violent Communications (NVC) is one well-developed language

 

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Stella’s Life

I've been remiss in posting this on the Asheville Sangha blog site, but thought I should do it in order to help eliminate any confusion about having a baby on the way...

Shelby was admitted to the hospital on December 20th after she started feeling chest, back and arm pains.  Since she was 23 weeks pregnant, we called the OB on call who  confirmed that we needed to come to the hospital for some testing.  She was diagnosed with HELLP syndrome, where the blood platelet count drops and liver enzymes rise to dangerous levels.  Two different OB/GYNs we had seen in the past confirmed that they needed to “take” the baby in order to save Mom.  They also told us that our little girl was too small to survive outside of the womb.  By now she was about 3 weeks behind where she should have been size wise and too small to be “viable.”

We found out earlier in the pregnancy that she had a congenital heart defect, which was determined to be very operable with good chances of survival.  We had also been told that she would most likely have Down syndrome.  Though all of that news was absolutely devastating at the time, we took things one day at a time, and gradually came to grips with the prognosis.  Despite all of our worries about the future of our child, we were looking forward to welcoming her into this world with love and kisses.

On December 23rd at 5:43 p.m., Shelby give birth to our baby girl, Stella Grace.  But this didn’t happen on its own.  It took several days and different methods of induction to finally bring about contractions.  Stella just didn’t want to come, which made things that much more painful.  The pain of dragging out the inevitable took its toll emotionally and physically.  Shelby was subject to constant blood draws, blood pressure checks, and temperature monitoring.  Her arms were black and blue from all of the needle sticks and IV ports.  Since Shelby’s health was stable, all we could do was wait.

When the time finally came, Stella came quick.  The doctor had just finished an exam, indicating that Shelby had finally dilated to 3 centimeters (they thought she needed to be at 5).  The doctor and the nurse were on their way out when Shelby cried out that something was wrong.  They seemed to think she was just having another contraction until her water broke and a little pair of legs poked out.  As I stood there watching in a state of shock, the nurse and I helped her lay back.  I held one of Shelby’s legs and the nurse the other, while the doctor started assisting in the birth, and Shelby started pushing.

As I watched, I remained calm and kept reassuring Shelby that she was doing great and that everything was going just fine.  In reality, I was scared of what was about to happen, but I knew deep down that it was going to be okay.  I tried to convey that trust to Shelby by smiling as she kept pushing. 

It was a breach birth in which the feet and body came out first, and the umbilical cord was wrapped around Stella’s neck making her head a bit harder to come free.  After some delicate coaxing, the doctor finally got the baby out.  The doctor cut the cord, wrapped up the baby and put her in Shelby’s arms.  I knew our little girl was either already dead, or only had a short time to live, so we just started caressing her and talking to her.

The nurse listened with her stethoscope and told us that there was a heartbeat.  We just stroked her, and cried, and smiled at each other as little Stella laid on Shelby’s heart.  She was tiny, only 9.8 ounces, but fully formed.  She gasped for air a couple of times, which just broke our hearts more.  We knew her lungs were not formed enough to actually breath, which is why they told us there was no chance of survival.  She moved her tiny little arms, once to grab Shelby’s finger, and another time to put her own thumb in her mouth.  She was too precious.

Our parents were all in the room and got to touch and talk to Stella as she laid on Shelby to keep warm.  Another check of the heart by the nurse indicated the heartbeat was very faint.  We cried and smiled and stroked her little head some more as the minutes ticked by.  We took several pictures to capture the moment as best we could.  Finally, at around 7:30 pm, she was pronounced dead.

At that point we requested that they do the same thing they do with living infants, so they took her weight, measurements, and footprints.  They dressed her in a dress we chose from their selection and took some more pictures.  We finally decided enough was enough and they took her away.  I have to say that the nursing staff was so wonderful.  It made a very difficult situation much easier.  These women put the “care” back in “Healthcare” and I admire their level of compassion.

It was an emotionally and physically exhausting experience for us all, but especially Shelby.  She did so great.  She was such a wonderful mother even though she had such a short time.  She made sure Stella stayed warm as best she could, and made sure she felt loved as long as she could.  I only wish it could have been longer.

Shelby was finally released from the hospital on Christmas morning.  Leaving the maternity ward empty handed on Christmas was a tough thing to do to say the least.  The walls were covered with pictures of beautiful little babies being held by adoring parents.  It was as beautiful site as it was painful. 

So now we’re learning to deal with the pain of a love lost.  Shelby’s pain is understandably greater since she was the vessel for this life.  She loved being pregnant, feeling the tiny movements and kicks that I could never really feel.  I do my best to comfort her and love her, though I can only imagine how deeply her heart aches to have Stella Grace back in her arms.

Love was brought to life that day, if for no other reason, to show us that Love is eternal.

(See the full details of Stella’s memorial service)
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WASTELANDS & SACRED SPACES

 

This below posting from a Heron Dance email.  See  http://www.herondance.org/subscribe-renew/past-reflections.html 

 

 

Some Joseph Campbell (no relation) thoughts on the subject from various sources, including Michael Tom's interviews of him and Diane Osbon's A Joseph Campbell Companion:


You don't really have a sacred space, a rescue land, until you find somewhere to be that's not a Waste Land, some field of action where there is a spring of ambrosia--a joy that comes from inside, not something external that puts joy into you--a place that lets you experience your own will and your own intention and your own wish so that, in small, the Kingdom is there. The joy is there. 

The Grail Castle--that's what this sacred space is: the place where your associations are not with the field of phenomenal experience, but with the field of your own inward life. To visit the Grail Castle, you have found a sacred space. Then, once you have found the connection in your sacred space, you can perhaps translate it into other parts of your life.

The sacred space is the place where your associations are not with the field of phenomenal experience, but with the field of your own inward life. You do not get there in the normal run of life. To visit the Grail Castle, you have to have a sacred space. Then, once you have found the connection in your sacred space, you can perhaps translate it into other parts of your life. But first you have to have a little oil well that goes down deep.

The problem of the grail quest is the re-vilification of what is known as the Waste Land. The Waste Land is a world where people live not out of their own initiative, but out of what they think they're supposed to do. People have inherited their official roles and positions; they haven't earned them. This is the situation of the Waste Land: everybody leading a false life. T. S. Eliot used that idea in his poem, "The Waste Land", and he actually quotes several lines from Wolfram's Parzival.

The adventure is always in the dark forest, and there's something perilous about it. My impression is that many of my friends are baffled; they're wandering in the Waste Land without any sense of where the water is — the source that makes things green.


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CHEERLEADING - AGAIN?

(c) 2011 Howard McQueen

 

Why is it we become stuck and mired in circumstances?

 

I've noticed that there are occasions when my agendas for how life should unfold assert themselves.

When unfolding circumstances don't appear to support my agendas, I have this uncanny ability to put on my cheerleader outfit and begin lobbying on their behalf.

 

We all do this from time to time.  It is how we learn to navigate through the world, and how we learn to gain a better understanding of how our programming and conditioning influence our sense of free choice.

 

When starting a small business in the early 1980s, considerable cheerleading was needed to get it off-the-ground and ultimately sustainable.  Years later, alother cheerleading effort ws needed to retire my career in order to make room for poetry and gypsy-journeying.

 

In my more recent search for a community of people to live with, I've seen again how my agendas can sometimes whisper "if only they can see the light and make the important changes to ...".  The cheerleader in me encourages adding more influence, more perseverance, more ... - to shape outcomes.  This cheerleading can become a bit contagious if you have a partner on the same page also cheerleading.

 

A certain lightness-of-being within me seems to retreat when it becomes an effort to influence or persuade someone. These are the early warning signs that I am doing a masterful cheerleading job, first and foremost, on myself, in order to influence another.

 

I step back into being at peace with myself and reflect:

 

We are all on this journey and often at such different spaces and places,

shaping and being shaped by vast differences in circumstances and perspectives.

 

Best not to add to anyone else's confusions, unless specifically invited!

And even then, take care ...

and be aware of all those underlying agendas  

 

;-)  - HM

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WINTER'S REVEALINGS

(c) 2011 Howard McQueen

 

Winter strips the landscape

 of all the annual beauty and camoflage.

The naked limbs and branches of trees

 reveal their exoskeletons,

 rooted in nothing but thin air.

 

Such stark contrast to the verdant

 flora and fauna blossoming in Spring.

 

Ah Winter,

 a time to rest and reflect,

 a time to draw inward and concentrate the essence

 for another ride around the sun.

 

As we learn to give into the deeper, slower cycles of mother Earth

 we are offered another harmony to synchronize ourselves with and

  - fill our lungs with God's breath

  - walk naked in our Mother's biosphere

  - drink of her wine

  - sweat our hard work, joy and tears

  - celebrate the simple abundances that generally come,

    from so many things planted in her rich epidermis

    under the radiance of our sun.

 

She is one amazing beauty,

 this third planetary body from our sun.

Complex life exploding into myriad forms,

 their empty shells composting,

 only to again be reborn into form.

 

When we realize the great fortune

 to be born

 of this Earth, again,

We remember a set of ancient abide-by laws:

 

 - to live in harmony

 - to live in love

 - to lead by example

 

Let the spirit of Winter strip you to the barest of essentials,

and feel what it is like to be freed.

 

 

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RISKING IT ALL FOR LOVE

Version 2.0

© 2011 Howard McQueen

 

Feeling deeply what is running inside us

 opens us to mystically knowing the We-ness,

 the immensity of shared interconnectedness,

 the infinite richness of experiencing

  and expressing

 heart-felt sharing with fellow beings.

 

To be human is to be, at times, overwhelmed and fragmented.

We are all on a journey to uncover, to rediscover wholeness.

We recover our wholeness not so much in asking “why” as in asking the quality of life questions relating to “how”.

 

-         how to participate 

-         How to engage 

-         How to connect 

 

This is done by following the vibrant thread of what is organic and alive.

 

Put your boundaries to self at risk.

Let your willingness to experience what is seen and felt while at risk.

Then, let what is bottled up inside be fully expressed.

Allow the parts of you and your brothers and sisters

 that are cast in shadow, be seen and heard.

These parts are literally dying to cry out the pain,

 to feel and express the fullness and aliveness of being contained

 AND being human.

 

The riskiness all comes down to putting it all on the line,

 to feeling the sheer immensity in giving and receiving

 unconditional love.

 

Let your heart radiate and send out its tendrils.

Encourage your mind to fully align

 and get behind the constant

 out-picturing of the multitude of loving feelings born to arise,

 in accepting and loving exactly what is.

 

Bet it all on love,

 not an ignorant, self-serving desire for love.

Let it be the love that stirs and unites our communities and our family,

 kindles and ignites our hearts,

 infects everyone so they reach out and express

 their own unique sense of connectedness

 and sense of joining together as extended family.

 

 

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TESTED BY THE TEACHING OF CIRCUMSTANCE

© 2011 Howard McQueen

 

For so many years

 in a self-imposed isolation

 I’ve been going it alone

 

I’ve tried staying stoned

 spent many years as a work-a-haulic

 stressed and regressed

 in my self-centeredness.

 

And then, my hyperbolic journey as a comet

 is captured in the gravity of the father sun.

What is left of me plummets towards home.

 

Surprisingly, the booster fuel of anger

 is tapped and re-routed into opening my heart:

-         finding and nourishing connections

-         allowing my fear to speak

-         uncovering others courageous enough

       to bump up against my armored bruises

 and I have held on

  to uncover a love so grand

  so very humbling,

  that the blindness now receeds.

 

As I now feel my way home,

  -  I am stripped of my stories of unique victimhood

  -  Stripped of my innocence and guilt from passing along

      hand-me-down aggressions.

 

In discovering our humanity, we will continue

  to panic and drown in our circumstances

  until we realize,

  each and every set of circumstances is our teacher,

  offering not suffering

  but the opportunity to awaken

  from our unnecessary suffering,

  and bring forth the embodiment of living courageously,

  knowing we will put it all on-the-line

  for the love far greater than self.

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INTERBEING: COLLECTIVELY ENTERING BEING

© 2011 Howard McQueen

 

Much emphasis is place on personal self-enlightenment.

OK.

Fine.

 

So why is it Thich Nhat Hanh

and the Dalai Lama

believe that Embodied Wisdom

will coalesce,

will manifest

within and across Community?

(and not, this time around, as a singular enlightened Buddha)

 

Give me your hand

 and I’ll give you mine.

Lean into me

 as I lean into you.

Whisper, scream, dream

 and just allow the fever to run it course,

 to mount and crest.

 

Dear friends:

We will, by pulling together,

 manifest heaven on this earth!

 

I am not speaking of perfection,

but of a constant reconnecting and rebalancing.

Being human and remaining connected to our being,

 and sharing all this with those evolving Communitarians

 who are dedicated to organically growing:

-         wise elders,

-         wise counsel

-         focused wisdom

-         rites of passage

-         ways to be seen and heard and to integrate our shadows

 

Rehearsing and practicing all this together,

in the intimate crucible and incubator of community,

with all our recovered modalities,

bring us to the threshold of a universal and collective

christ consciousness,

lived through how we see and treat each other:

-         sometimes as teachers

-         sometimes as students

-         always as rabbis

 

on pilgrimage traveling from community to community,

forming this long procession - Love's Eternal Caravan!

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ENCOURAGING AUTHENTIC EXPRESSION

(c) 2011 Howard McQueen

 

When we make the investment to be fully in the service of relationship,

 be it friendships/stewardships with fellow humans,

 be it friendships/stewardships with animal companions,

 be it connections/stewardships with nature

And,
 the nature of the relationship is a balance of giving and receiving,

we actualize our capacity for connectedness.

 

When we honor this connectedness,

 by being transparent and fully present

we further actualize and begin to manifest

a contagious and unifying authenticity.

 

Staying in our authenticity allows our false pretenses and the biases surrounding our assumptions

to wind down,

and disengage their spell-binding influences.

 

We realize, in any given moment,

so many possibilities may become manifest.

Each is a signal for us:

 to dance with 

 to sit out the dance

 to pickup an instrument

 to invite some new partner into the dance

 to improvise by painting our feelings on a canvass

 to ... 

 

There are so many responses our authenticity

will encourage to blossom from the heart

into forms of expression that pluck the heart-strings of others.

 

 

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FRICTION & TRACTION MAKE FOR COHESIVE LIVING

(C) 2011 Howard McQueen

 

Friction in life is essential.

Stressing over one's various forms of friction brings suffering.

How we are in relationship with friction, i.e.

how we interpret friction places us in an adversarial or ally relationship with friction.

Do we use friction to navigate our experiences?

Do we use friction as an aid to centering ourselves inwardly?

Are we dedicated to uncovering the peace and harmony carried within friction?

 

Being human is an experience of recognizing our many boundaries and how we feel threatened.

There is a balanced and healthy way to care for our boundaries.

Care is needed to deconstruct defensive walls built by our ego.

Care is needed to sufficiently anchor us into the fabric of this world, 

lest we retreat into depression and hiding, or prematurely slip into the gravity of boundary-less oneness.

 

We are a recycling work-in-process,

challenged with the frictions imposed by constant changes in our circumstances and environment.

We over-complicate and introduce confusion when we expect that reaching any particular destination (or goal) exempts us from the ongoing paramount need to evolve and adapt.

 

For almost always,

 the most fundamental,

 the most pivotal,

 the most infrastructure - adaptations,

are how we form sustainable relationships with what we believe are our boundaries.

How we learn to constructively decipher the feedback contained within friction

allows us to remain

 - vulnerable and not impregnable

 - open and not shut-down

 - vitally connected and not numb and withdrawn

 

The wisdom of building a relationship with "pain is a teacher" is heightened and rewarded

when we realize that friction is an ever-present stream of feedback,

enabling us to navigate and gain mastery in returning to our center.

As we rely upon and actualize this, we build a core confidence to trust in returning.

This innate elastic ability to return from being lost, confused, frightened and numb

brings forth a generosity and grace to open and share ourselves.

We begin to realize that life is a pilgrimage and we, its pilgrims. 

We begin to learn to unclench our compressed ball of grief and sadness,

and see that under this is the anger and need to control and manipulate,

all in the name of reaction to the feedback contained within friction.

 

When we truly realize friction as a flow of information on "how to evolve", 

we can choose to consciously realign,

begin dis-empowering old patterns of heightened opposition.

Ultimately, friction becomes a servant to an open-hearted

proactive intent to dissolve conflict,

fully disrobe and disarm

and live (and love) cohesively

in this dynamic, work-in-process unity,

i.e. community of humanity.

 

 

 - 

 

Read more…

GAMING THE SYSTEM

Version 2.0

© 2011 Howard McQueen

Many of us
 are seeming blessed with:

  intelligence
  good looks
  the gifts to gab and entertain
  parents and/or elders who invested in their dream for us
  a skin color and features well-suited to mark the check-box “white”
  born to live in the plentitude of the US of A

Many of us
 with a modicum of effort and struggle:

  navigated into the safe harbor of a rewarding career path
  rose to a level of financial comfort
  enjoy the flow of excess money (or credit)
  entertain ourselves with indulgences in the habits of:

    eating out
    traveling
    surrounding ourselves with the ten-thousand things
    constantly feeding our appetites for security,
     that coddle us with creature-comforts.

Many of us
 try so hard to belong to contrarian, counter, or gatherings to try to evolve the culture: 
 we sometimes earnestly work to clear roads to becoming authentic

 and, much more often, we like to pretend we are in the company of
 those few exploring the vanguard edges of human potential.

For a growing few of us
 what was once just a distant, aching emptiness
 has gained the critical mass of an urgent, ever-consuming immediacy,
 which calls from within

   to drop the charades
   to stop the people-pleasing habits (like the over-used and falsified exuberant masks of humor)

AND

just settle up
with becoming
simple
flawed
and true to our authentic self.

In this inward exploration with Self,
we discover, amidst all the strewn pieces,
the grand interconnectedness.

We realize, be it through
music
painting
poetry
and in every simple, every-day expression of sharing life,

each life, fully-lived
is awe-inspiring.

This is when we discover we can drop all the “gaming the system” agendas
and simply be present.

Read more…

A Chrysalis Built by Two (and more ...)

Version 2.0

(C) 2011 Howard McQueen

 

As we learn to contain our experiences with this world

 we also learn to harness the abundant life force

 and direct this force through us,

 into the service of our evolution.

 

When we acknowledge that living with others

 brings certain frictions,

 threatens boundaries,

 pushes buttons,

 we release ourselves from the role of servants,

 in service to the surface discomforts

 and all the inner armor

 covering over our intimacy.

 

There is a sacredness to being in service

 when we understand what we are responsible for:

 - our own inner feelings;

 - the ability to focus and shape desired feelings;

 - to create a sense of safety, especially when we are challenged with undesirable feelings;

 - to encourage inner and outer exploration;

 - to develop a willingness to blend our individual cultures into collective structures.

 

This is how we sign-up and joining in on the journey

 of sharing and synchronizing connection

 of dynamically creating our shared evolution.

 

What we focus on, we appreciate.

Let us hold in our hearts and minds

 the appreciation of all the small, interpersonal affinities

 that organically build trust and grow relationship.

Let us work at planting the seeds and tilling the garden of extending family.

 

This practice might be called social permaculture,

 creating yourself as a permeable and fertile container,

 allowing the feelings of free-flowing nutritional affinities

 to be shared, recycled, re-used and re-purposed

 in the service of sustainability.

 

This is the overarching chrysalis of transformation,

 the vibratory signaling of a transpersonal awakening,

 activating our consciousness,

 awakening our evolutionary DNA.

 

Cultivate harmony.

Learn to relax and release your discord.

Connect to others and begin a shared dreaming

 and actively out-picture the evolution of our family of Man.

 

This is a yoga to awaken us from our bindings. 

 

After writing this, I did a google search on Social Permaculture and found this useful link.

http://www.toolsforchange.org/resources/org-handouts/principles%20of%20social%20permaculture.pdf

 

Read more…

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