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Hello, everybody! Thanks for the nice turnout for my recent meeting. I just put up a new article on AwakeningClarityNow.com called "Working with Our Secret Teacher," and a companion video just above it named, "Letting Life Live Us." I hope you'll join me--and happy new year!

.....In joy,
Fred

I invite everyone to check out my BATGAP interview. I don't know that you'll learn anything, but it is certainly a laugh riot!

http://batgap.com/fred-davis/

Hello, everybody!  I invite you to come and read a pair of new posts on my website, Awakening Clarity.  Early Enlightenment: The Strangest Path of All, Parts I and II, compose what is essentially a case history of some of my work with a young man caught in the confusion which often accompanies the post-awakening phase.

I've gotten a lot of positive email from this post, and I hope you'll get something out of it as well.

Joyfully,

Fred

"Be foolishly in love, because love is all there is."

~ Rumi

COLUMN - JUNE RAPID RIVER MAGAZINE

“Who we are is the moment arising in awareness.”

                                            – Eckhart Tolle

I have a very unconventional and life-changing perspective to share with you. 

 We can certainly all agree that we are persons.  I’m a person, you are a person, all who read this are persons.  And, with just a little insight, we can agree that we have awareness.  The reading of this article is happening in awareness.  The intellectual faculty with its capacity for reading and understanding words as representative of ideas is all occurring in awareness as you read, so we could easily agree that we are persons who have awareness.

At this point, I would like you to pause and truly consider what you have just read, and see if you can bring this from an intellectual concept to living reality.  (Take a few nice long and easy breaths)

As you think about being aware of what you are reading, of holding this paper, and of the mind that is comprehending this article, extend that awareness to your body – be aware of your body and its sensations.  Do this for a few moments.  (Continue being aware of your breathing)

Now, look about you ---- see and be aware of what you are seeing – listen and be aware of the sounds of the moment around you.  (Again, for a few lingering moments along with awareness of breathing)

Now, a very profound Zen practice is to ask: “Who is it that is aware?” 

Realize – as you become aware of awareness, this awareness is you.  (Pause………..)  Become aware of this you that is awareness………  Feel and experience this truth.

So now, we are very clear that we are people who have and are awareness, and perhaps, as Buddhism would have us realize, a deeper truth is beginning to dawn………… that, far more fundamentally, we are awareness that has a person. 

Allow me to explain.  A conventional perspective says a person is a body, a mind, circumstances and situations strung together in time.  That makes sense, doesn’t it?  But something very important is being left out here, and it is that which the body, mind, circumstances, situations, and even time happen in. As you hopefully experienced a moment ago, body, mind, circumstances, situations, and time are happening in conscious awareness.  Body, mind, circumstances, situations, and even time are all things, and they are happening in that which is not a thing.  They are all boundaried concepts happening in that which has no boundary.  They are many things happening in that which is only one thing.  They are happening within that which is the essential nature of our existence - awareness. 

“Who we are is awareness.  But we block it with our self-centered thinking.” -          Charlotte Joko Beck, Zen Master

It could be said that all things arise in what is not a thing.  The forms of existence arise in the non-form dimension of existence.  And we experience it, and that experiencing is what awareness is.  We are now at the threshold of this most remarkable realization: that who we are is awareness. Who we are is the forms of existence – body, mind, circumstances, and situations in time - arising in awareness, the many things in the one no-thing.

Very challenging, I know.  And I also know that you do know what I’m talking about, but your thinking is getting in the way of what you know, and there is a particular kind of thought that is getting in the way the most. 

The problem is that thoughts centered around “I” being this body and mental activity in situations in time pull us away from awareness of awareness - and therefore the realization – as Eckhart Tolle teaches, the “felt sense,” that you are awareness.  That’s what the Zen Master Joko Beck is saying.  So I’m attempting to get you past thinking to what you already know.

What we’re talking about here is non-duality, not non-duality as a philosophical concept, but as a living reality. And non-duality is very difficult for modern human-beings to understand because modern human-beings live within a mind that abstracts its experience out of its context in Nature into representations of our experience called thoughts.  This is why Buddhism refers to thoughts as “mental forms,” and in abstracting our experience, we create duality consciousness with most every experience being separated into the thought form of “me” as the experiencer with “that” which I am experiencing being out there separated from me.  This creates what is called “duality.”  Every experience has at least two separate entities, the entity “me” and the entity, “that.”  Hence, the experience is dual, made up of two.

Non-duality is oneness.  It is experienced as connectedness, the wholeness of existence, which is the truth of the way Nature and the Universe are, while duality is experiencing Nature and the Universe as made up of zillions of separate parts, and representing these zillion parts with thoughts, abstractions of reality, an artificial reality of bits of information much like what a computer does, which is a very real experience for us, but it’s just not the way the Universe actually is. 

In our experience of the many things, what is the one thing that holds them all together, that connects them, that makes for one experience, the experience of “Me?”  Awareness.

Non-duality is everything in the great oneness of the Universe, and so, since duality exists, non-duality contains duality, and from the perspective of duality, which is how most humans experience life, it seems impossible to achieve this “felt sense” of the non-dual oneness.  It is, in fact, only very difficult – but not impossible – for a modern person to not only comprehend non-duality, but to experience it, and even live primarily from the perspective of non-duality.  It requires a shift from within what can be described as the human-being paradox.  We are dualistic egocentric humans, and we are beings, sharing universal natural beingness with all Nature.  This perspective and experience of living within the duality of human experience within the greater perspective that is the beingness, the non-duality of deeper Nature, is the heart of Zen. 

The required shift to enter the living reality of non-duality is the realization of the answer to the great Zen question, “Who is it that is aware?”   That answer is: awareness that has a person the world knows as me.  As for this “me” – as the Zen masters say:  “There’s nobody here.”  And there is.

Hi Friends,
I am packing up for my impending move, and I found a big box of Adyashanti and Gangaji tapes (cassette) and videos (VHS). If you want them, give me a call: 828.221.0991 (Brevard). Much Love!

 Howard McQueen

It seems a very difficult thing,

this just noticing the mind

so possessively intertwined  

with our fearful, dark,

often hostile memories.

It may very well be,

that if you patiently wait and see,

what you will really encounter,

is no more than your covered over,

scared little boy or girl,

who, at the time,

was paralyzed with fear,

and unable to speak.

Each of us, to greater or lesser degrees

carries the baggage from our past.

Take heart in knowing that,

with practice,

we can choose to set down this baggage

and not lug it along our entire life’s journey.

It starts with just noticing.

This just noticing begins to lessen our reactivity,

giving us working space to become grounded

in our body and in our breathing.

As you learn to come back home into your body,

you begin to re-orient the mind

to what is here,

to what is now.

This inward journey brings us into the shadow-world

of our disembodied, irrational fears;

and,

a realization that it is our own mind that has constructed

our elaborate and seductive distractions.

As we come to realize that our distractions are like parasites; they short-circuit our well-being, siphon off our joy

and disconnect us from our capacity

to be present to feeling and responding in our fullness

with whatever life brings.

This ability to just notice gives us information in the form of feelings, strong emotions, images, and sometimes even words.  Our mind brings this to us at the lightning-fast speed of thought, so the mind has the temporary advantage of being able to catch us by surprise.

In our surprise, we are caught off-guard, and, as a result, it is easy (and seemingly natural) to jump into an automatic and reactive first response.  This first response is often our reptilian fight or flight response and it brings with it adrenaline that reinforces our sense that there is an emergency.

And a desire to react to that information.

We are constantly given the opportunity to re-enact.

This is where we can exercise our will to just notice.

Imagine what is possible when we just notice.

“Ashes to ashes and dust to dust.

Living we try – dying we must”.

Digging the soil with trowel in hand

Humbles and beckons me,

As only death can.

I am honored to perform this basic task.

I do not need distractive thoughts,

anxiety, philosophy or dread.

It is a simple and pure action to undertake.

I am grateful – saddened and awed by this friend’s passing.

His gentle kindness has filled my heart,

No greater gift from another brother.

I have returned in kind with his grave.

As feelings come and flow,

I seek to understand the spirit’s home.

And, in the seeking – I am listening.

Sounds like a great thing going on down there in Asheville. Be nice to have something like that close to me in Plymouth, Mass. Guess I'll have to visit sometime!

As I sit here, our daughter Izabella, who is now 9 months old, is crawling around the living room looking for ways to pull her self up to standing.  Iza, as Shelby likes to call her, is such a wonderful gift.  Not only do we get to revel in her discovering everything for the first time, but we get to see her smile and laugh.  Seeing her laugh is pure joy, and I’d like to quit my day job to become a full-time baby entertainer (though Shelby is much better at making her laugh).  She’s such a happy baby that we can take her out to the store and restaurants, and she will just smile at everyone until they smile back.  She leaves a wake of open hearts and love where ever she goes, and it’s such a beautiful thing to see.  Her smile is a gift to the Universe :)

As I watch her crawl and stand up (she’ll be walking very soon), it got me to thinking about what drives the developing baby.  What makes them tick?  Why do they crawl?  Why do they stand, walk, etc.?  My wife and I certainly are not teaching her things.  We’re just watching in awe as she develops these new abilities on her own.

Though scientists might explain this drive to move as genetic programming or some such thing, I see an invisible force that is driving us, guiding us to act.  That force is like a primordial intelligence that knows what needs to be done.  In the beginning, when we are too young to start formulating opinions or analyzing things, we just naturally go with the flow without questioning that intelligence.  But as we grow older, we begin to question that force, even resist its urges.  We may be encouraged to ignore the innate urges by our parents in situations where curiosity might put us in harm’s way.  Right now there are only a few things cropping up that we’re discouraging, such as pulling Mommy’s hair and trying to eat things that aren’t really edible (baby’s apparently like to explore things with their mouths).

The older we get, the more things we are guided to do or not do, which is based at least partly on our caregiver’s level of trust in that innate force that drives us all.  Therefore, this lack of trust in, we’ll just call it Life, gets passed down from one generation to the next.  But before parents go blaming themselves for raising children with a lack of trust in Life, it’s important to realize that one’s lack of trust in Life is also a crucial part of Life’s driving force.  Things are as they are because they could be no other way, and what is appearing now is what Life wants for us.

So, if you think that you “could” have or “should” have done something differently in the past, you are believing in a lie (interestingly enough the word “believe” has the word “lie” built into it).  That lie is that you know better than Life, and that you could have done a better job than Life had intended for you.  This is why reliving the past and playing the “What if things had been different?” game is a lose-lose proposition.

Like it or not, it had to be this way.  That’s why the teachings of Eckhart Tolle, and the like, are so crucial to obtaining the peace we all desire.  Tolle has summed up his teachings at one point or another by saying, “All you really have to do is accept this moment fully...”  That’s what Life wants for you.  Our mind comes in with its lack of trust and casts doubt on what may happen if we accept the unavoidable isness of this moment (i.e. we’ll never do anything to make changes in our lives, etc.), but that doubt, too, is part of Life’s plan for us.  We doubt because there is no other way – until there is the realization that there is another way.

If you’re reading these words, I suspect that you are making baby steps toward the innocence you had when you were born, when you had no choice but to trust Life because you knew no other way.  You’ve been introduced to the idea that there is another way, which is to live in alignment with Life.  You’ve already learned how to avoid touching hot stoves and how not to lick the floor, so set aside your distrust and let Life start doing the work for you – one baby step at a time.

Here’s a quote from my Notes on Inner Peace to ponder, “What if life is unfolding just as it is supposed to, and you didn’t have to make anything happen?  What if it has been making everything fall into place from the very beginning, without you needing to worry, ever?”

As Byron Katie likes to say, “Let Life live you. It does anyway.”

Peace, Love and Life to you,

Trey
--
______________________________________________
A Seeker's Guide to Inner Peace: Notes to Self, by Trey Carland
- compassion-blog.blogspot.com
- www.facebook.com/trey.carland

From Chapter 2 of The Selfward Facing Way ("Multiple Concepts, A Singular Wholeness"):

Something quite wonderful is occurring at this stage of our human story.  We are now developing a quantum understanding of reality, based on mathematical principles (and backed by discoveries in astronomy and molecular biology as well as other fields of natural science), to reflect and confirm what the greatest saints and sages ever known have been telling us all along.

Essentially, we are coming to understand that the only thing here is infinity in all directions. 

Looking into a telescope, you know that “the universe” spreads out before you without any identifiable end point.  Your looking may reveal all sorts of mind-blowing phenomena: planets and stars, sunspots, nebulas, comets, meteor showers, black holes and galaxies.  As you look, and in each moment, the Earth is hurtling through space in its orbit of our Sun at about 67,000 miles per hour.  This figure does not even take into account the speed of the Earth’s rotation or the speed with which our solar system is rotating in the Milky Way (490,000 mph or something crazy like that).  Yet because of gravity, we and everything else here are held “in place”!  These forces and the unfathomable power be-hind them are almost unspeakable.  Countless trillions of light years are in operation, simultaneously in this very instant, engendering a perpetual multiplicity of cosmic events. 

Being aware of these unbelievable forces, it becomes evident that this activity of the universe extends forever.  Whatever you cannot see is there, too, the immensity of which exceeds far beyond what can be observed, detected or measured. 

This is a pretty huge realization!

Looking through a microscope to the inside of your body or that of any other sentient life form, you can perceive an equally mind-blowing universe.  Bearing witness to the intricate diversity and complexities of the living organism bestows an awe that is unsurpassed.  And we also know that the stronger the capability of the micro-scope, the more we can see of what’s really going on in there.  Increasing our magnification of what we are able to view on the inside reveals there is also no end to life going in this direction, in the very same way there is no end when a telescope is pointed “outwards.”  Inside and outside, there is only infinite space. 

The big question is: “What is ‘the looker’ in all of this?” 

Where is he/she?  Who is the one looking through the telescope or the microscope?  Is not the very possibility of our beginning to observe and confirm this huge mind-blowing reality—through advances in technology and scientific understanding—a function of infinity itself?  Can something other than infinity be looking at infinity?  What is the delineation between “inside” and “outside”?  Is infinity not discovering the vastness, the limitlessness, the immensity, the beauty and the wondrousness of its own nature? 

If this is true, where does infinity begin and end in you?  Can there be somewhere in which you are not in this discovery?

Can you yourself be other than infinity?  Other than wholeness? 

Is this not simply reality as it is?

*     *     *

Infinity literally means “never-ending.”  Therefore, infinity has constant never-endingness as its nature.  So in this moment, it is seamless.  It has no demarcations or limits.  Our adopted definitions and beliefs—our concepts—are responsible for imposing an apparent limit on infinity.  But apparent limits are fundamentally untrue.  In mathematical terms, this means that no matter what number you think of infinity as being, it is always at least one more.  No matter what size you perceive it to be, it is always bigger.

Since infinity already exists as never-endingness, it is only our continual discovery of observable aspects of it that can make us think of it as expanding.  The collective learning and knowledge of humankind deepens through our evolutionary development.  But knowledge is the same as infinity in the sense that all there is to know already exists; we are simply uncovering more and more of this fact, through the passage of time.  What expands is just our apprehension of it—our confirmation.  This process does not actually change anything, however.  The knowledge of everything everywhere is already complete.

Whenever something “new” gets added to the knowledge bank in which we store our cumulative evaluation of infinity’s immensity, we can fall into the trap of imagining this new concept is somehow better at capturing what is inherently uncontainable.  Infinity is too immediate, too free and too all-encompassing to be grasped in any description or process of categorization. 

Within infinity, every concept that has ever been and will ever be conceived of arises and disintegrates.  Infinity is that by which all concepts can appear, without exception, and it remains here unaffected when they disappear again—as they inevitably do.  Infinity is already everything.  It is already one never-ending wholeness.  Reality is simply, exactly this truth.  And it is permanent. 

Can there be anything else here but this?

*     *     *

For more info and to order the book by donation, see the book website at www.faceselfward.net

Redistributable Under Creative Commons License (CCBY)

Notice: all former postings stored on Asheville Sangha that carry the (C) traditional Copyright notice are now converted to the CCBY license.

Originally posted / Version 1.0  October 21, 2012; Fernandina Beach, FL

Howard McQueen

All to often

I feel that

life

is

overwhelming me,

that my future is so uncertain

that I will become drained

and slip into the joyless void.

When I obsess upon these feelings, I intensify them

and pressure and stress builds,

till I ultimately project my inward stress outward on to those who love me.

FEAR is so very contagious.

…

LOVE is so very contagious.

…

Let fear be heard, and understood

by others and myself.

Let us together absorb these images of irrational fear,

So me, and you need not act upon fear.

I am learning that my home is not a physical house that can be gussied up.

My home is a loving relationship,

first, with my wife,

then extended into communities of others

who are opening their hearts

and working to create

and sustain

a collective environment

of deeply compassionate, loving relationships.

As I shift my emphasis away from the seductive glitz and glitter of material things,

And, with a sense of gratitude,

Release these objects and feel their hold release me,

A lightness

And

A comforting and confident willingness to embrace the unknown is rekindled,

And I set my self free

To more deeply love – again.

Eight years ago today, November 7, 2004, I had my first grand mal seizure and was diagnosed with epilepsy.  Interestingly enough, it was on the day that John Kerry conceded the presidential election to George Bush.  Though I was not a fan of Kerry, at that time I was strongly opposed to Bush.  When I learned the news I was very upset and went into the kitchen to tell my wife, Shelby, the bad news.  The next thing I remember I was sitting on our stairs with paramedics looking up at me and asking questions.  Shelby was telling them this strange tale of what happened that involved me throwing my head back and making some loud groaning noise before falling to the ground convulsing.  Apparently, I got up at some point and yelled before she sat me down on the stairs.

I was in a fog for the whole ride to the hospital, and really didn't know what was happening.  In the ER a doctor came in, asked some more questions of Shelby, then told me I had had a seizure.  I was taken back by the news, but instantly remembered the feeling I was feeling right before I blacked out.  It was the same sort of feeling that I had been experiencing periodically earlier in the year.  I referred to those experiences as Revelation Spells.

A typical Revelation Spell only lasted a minute or two and felt like I was having a divine revelation.  Everything made perfect sense, finally.  I was filled with a sense of joy and relief, and I felt warm and tingly all over.  During these spells I would lose control of my thoughts and they would just drift along as I stood by and watched them on the periphery of my awareness.  After the feelings subsided, I was never able to remember what thoughts had gone through my head.  My assumption was that the key to all of life’s questions was contained in those thoughts that floated by.  Determined to capture the truth, I attempted on a few occasions to remember the thoughts that passed through during a Revelation Spell.  Though I could not remember the thoughts, I could tell that they were insignificant, mundane and just random.  I was able to conclude that the sense of revelation was not linked to the thoughts themselves.

After the initial big seizure, more followed.  If you have two or more seizures you are considered to be epileptic, which became the label for my condition.  The doctor told me that my revelation spells were actually partial complex seizures affecting the left temporal lobe of my brain, which was a bit of a let down.  However, the mystery still lingered.  Only 30% of all epilepsy cases have a known cause, and I was part of the 70% where no cause for the seizures could be found.

I was a bit reluctant at first to take drugs, but grand mal seizures are very unpleasant and the need to stop them outweighed my desire to avoid being on medication.  It was a physically and emotionally challenging time for both Shelby and I, but it marked the beginning of a change in my course in life.  I suddenly had an uncontrollable desire to read books on various subjects that had never interested me, and I was particularly drawn toward books on spirituality.  Once I ran across the idea of enlightenment, I knew that epilepsy had come into my life so that I could find the truth of my own identity.  In fact, I came to view those partial seizures as early awakenings resulting from the disassociation from thought.  I also believed that enlightenment was the cure for epilepsy, which is entirely possible.

It took a while to get my medication to a point where the grand mal seizures stopped, but I continued to have the partials (as I called them), which just rendered me unable to speak for a few moments and sometimes had some uncontrolled jaw clenching.  I was also having what they call auras, which were more like feelings of nervous energy about something that was about to happen (no longer any feelings of euphoria).

Anyway, something very interesting happened yesterday, on the eve of my seizure-versary.  I was out running an errand and called home to ask Shelby a question.  She told me to turn on the radio and listen to Fresh Air where Terry Gross was interviewing Dr. Oliver Sacks.  Dr. Sacks is a neurologist whose research interests include disorders of perception, memory, consciousness, hallucination, migraine, epilepsy and other neurological conditions. He has written several bestselling books, such as Awakenings, The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat, Musicophilia, The Mind’s Eye, and Hallucinations, in which he explores what it is like to live with various neurological conditions.  

It was a fascinating interview, but I was especially touched when Dr. Sacks mentioned epilepsy.  He said that it was often referred to as the "sacred disease" in olden times, and that many people with temporal lobe epilepsy had what he called ecstatic seizures that brought about feelings of divinity and euphoria.  This sometimes led people with no prior religious orientation toward spirituality. It was very moving for me to hear him talk about the profound nature of this sacred thing we call epilepsy. It felt validating to have an expert in the field convey fascination with this mysterious dis-order, and really reaffirmed my own love of this beautiful mystery happening.

Labeling dis-orders is a necessary way to communicate and study such phenomenon, but it also reduces and diminishes their profound nature to just a word.  Dr. Sacks knows from first hand experience the inexplicable nature of sensory hallucinations, which makes him a much more interested, as opposed to most doctors who just write prescriptions with little or no interest in the experiential nature of it all.

To make a long story short, I spent three and a half years unable to drive because you have to be seizure free for six months before you can drive again, and it took that long for me to totally rid myself of them (being forced into the passenger seat was just what I needed though).  I’ve been seizure free now for around four years, but I am still taking medicine.  All in all it has been a wonderfully transformative experience that I wouldn’t trade for the world.  I feel truly blessed in so many ways (loving wife, precious daughter, wonderful and supportive family, etc.) but I’m blessed to have been touched by the “sacred disease,” which gave me a foretaste of awakening. Life is good, and always has been even when it didn't seem like it.

Peace,
Trey

© 2012 Howard McQueen

Come to a full stop.

Bring your awareness and attention to your inner states of balance and harmony.

And, be honest with yourself.

What disturbances and conflicts are exacerbating your inner balance and harmony?

Once you identify these invasive thoughts and uncover their beliefs,

 recognize that they are your guests.

Perhaps they have extended their stay?

It’s a huge house you keep, with all the unexplored basements and caverns.

Light a candle.

Take an assessment.

Make a plan.

First and foremost: don’t be rude to your guests,

 especially those that have rooted in as a result of neglect.

Lovingly, let them know its time to move on.

Re-light the candle in their space,

 again and again

 and keep lighting it even if they 

 change rooms to avoid moving out.

It is time,

perhaps well past time

to clean up your house.

© 2012 Howard McQueen

Everything made of love

 and everything made of fear

 is alive,

 incubated and harbored in the human mind.

Ours is a journey of discernment,

 of recognizing where love has gone astray

 and escaped in the forms of anger,

 distrust, sadness, depression  …

Ours is both an inward journey,

 As well as an outward journey.

We may try to cloister ourselves from the external fear.

We may endeavor to sweep under-the-carpet the internal fear.

It would seem such a tall calling

  to wrestle with such an abundance of fear.

And yet, it is but the echoes and triggers within us

  that are our responsibility.

In truth, we are born,

  into this living invitation

  to experience all of this Odyssey.

In accepting the invitation,

  we grow our capacity to discern

  and offer others an example of the resilience and connection

  offered through expressing love.

~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~   ~~    ~~~