We've started a basic Triangle area website, to share information about Durham/Chapel Hill retreats and Satsangs. Right now it is a simple Meetup.com group which let's us get the word out about events in the Triangle area.
Thanks to Cullen and Trey for their advice on creating a "sister site" to the Asheville Sangha!
Teala
We are all born into this world naked and screaming. That’s just one of many experiences we all share as human beings, even if we don’t remember it. My wife and I were fortunate enough to witness this miracle first hand when our daughter, Izabella Luna, was born on April 18th. What a wondrous experience it was. But what a rude awakening it must be for a baby to be thrust from a warm, dark, safe environment, where all of her needs are met, to a bright, cold, unknown world full of lights, strange objects and unfamiliar sounds. All of the sudden, she is at the mercy of all these people who want to poke and prod her, dress her, bathe her, swaddle her. She experiences hunger, which must be a foreign feeling given that her needs have been taken care of in a warm cocoon up until now, and the only language she has to express herself is crying and screaming.
Well, this has been a rude awakening for me too. I naively thought that only unhappy babies cried and that our baby would be different. Boy was I wrong. The first several days and nights were a real wake up call for me. Not only do babies cry a lot, they cry at the top of their lungs, sometimes while kicking and screaming. I haven’t spent much time around babies in my life. In fact, you could probably count the number of babies I’ve held on one hand and have fingers to spare. Now, I’m living with one 24/7 and learning the art of baby whispering. Survival mechanisms, instincts and helpful advice have come into play, and we are all beginning to learn how to live with each other.
When she cries, and we’ve made sure her basics have been covered (i.e. fed, clean diaper, etc.), then I try to soothe her. It’s so amazing that this little being can scream like she’s being murdered for no apparent reason. It’s even more amazing when I can get her to calm down. Using the 5 S’s (Swaddling, Side/Stomach, Shhhh, Swinging, Sucking), and a few other tricks, I can usually calm little Bella down dramatically (even if that’s only for a few minutes).
Something amazing happens when a baby becomes calm after a crying fit. Once that relaxation switch is triggered, through what ever method, her eyes become wide and clear. She has awakened from a fit of confusion and frustration (or so it would seem from the observer’s point of view) to that of a wide-eyed and curious child who’s just taking in her surroundings. That’s a beautiful sight to see.
Another beautiful sight to see is the amount of joy that shines on the faces of those who look upon little Bella Luna. It’s so heartwarming to see my wife look into her baby’s eyes and smile as she tells her how much she loves her. It’s also beautiful to see my parents melt with joy when they hold her in their arms. Of course she’s also got me wrapped around her little finger. I wear her on my chest a lot, which calms her and allows us to do things around the house.
She has taught me (and continues to teach me) a new level of patience and humility. I’ve learned not to take her crying personally, and I’ve developed a sense of humor around behavior which could otherwise be very disturbing. I notice when I experience frustration and I let it go, over and over, knowing that babies cry and it is completely natural (as is feeling frustrated and helpless).
Acceptance is the key to survival, and Izabella is my newest and most powerful teacher (and loudest). She is four weeks old as I write this, so our journey has just begun. I have a lot to learn from her yet, but I am ready, willing and able. The shock of the rude awakening is passing for both of us, as she and I continue to adapt to her life outside the womb. As this dance of life continues, I fall deeper in love with her every day.
Much love to you and yours,
Trey
PS - It’s almost 2:30 am and I’ve spent the last hour or so trying to get her to fall asleep and stay that way. It’s like a game we play, and I eventually win ;)
© 2012 Howard McQueen
This veil between me and everything
I understand to be of my own construction.
Understandably, I relied upon others
to make sense out of all this everything I experienced.
As a result, during my youth and thereafter,
I manufactured a myriad of:
- strategies of avoidance
- strategies of accumulation
- strategies of conformity
...
And this veil, of my own creation,
as I pulled it over myself
it became my invisibility cloak,
and it became my anesthetized outer skin
? of protection ?
? for protection ?
We are each faced with our work to deconstruct and disempower
our veils
and regain the openness and ease of being with
this everything we are born into.
May many blessing be bestowed upon each of us
to support all that we will let go,
in order to feel connected with ourselves,
and then everything else – once again.
Post from www.vasisthas-yoga.com
III.13 “By the apprehension of the perceived or the knowable, consciousness becomes the living soul and is apparently involved in repetitive history. When the false notion of a knowable apart from the knower (consciousness) ceases, it regains its equilibrium.”
The soul, or the jiva, is the result of identifying with the world-appearance. Soul freedom results by letting go of the false idea that you are or have a soul, not by becoming aware of your soul. Being or having a soul is just another story we can tell our selves, to keep the game of “repetitive history” or karma going.
The world-appearance, is anything that is perceivable. Perception is defined as, “the act or faculty of apprehending by means of the senses or of the mind; cognition.” The taste of your food, the smell of incense, the feeling of your clothes on your body, the sound of the wind through pine trees, and the sight of the book in your hand is perceivable. Also, the thoughts in your mind, the memories of your dreams, the feeling of safety, the emotions of anger and love, all these are perceivable too, and so are equally a facet of the world appearance.
To realize that what is seen is the same as the seer promotes equilibrium and clarity in consciousness.
At first this can be a mental exercise. We can tell our selves (our personality or the soul), that everything we see and experience is a direct reflection of our Self. The person across the street is us. The anger that our father shared, is us. The love we feel being around friends or our spouse, is us. The sky above and the ground below, is us. The stars thousands of light years away, are also our very being. We mentally affirm this. It is a beginning practice.
Then, by intentional meditation, we can encourage direct experience of this truth. Meditation or other effective spiritual practices, help to calm the mind, and balance the nervous system. This way we can sit still and tune into the infinite, which I like to call “the rest of us”. It makes it easier to release attachment to the confined sense of self, that the personality is used to experiencing. Flowing our attention into a boundless thought free state, we contemplate that which we want to know.
Contemplation does not require thought. It only requires curiosity. Calm and centered, we can keep our attention in the higher brain centers, at the crown or the frontal lobe region, and wonder, “What am I that is aware of all of these experiences, both external and internal?” Then we sit and wait. Wondering and contemplating in a state of interested curiosity stimulates “the rest of us” or the infinite portion of our self, to respond. It is like running to get your heart rate up. You begin to run, and your body will respond by quickening your pulse. When you are curious and interested in something, and begin to contemplate that which you want to know, the body of your consciousness, or the infinite, responds by arranging the direct experience or realization of that contemplation.
When this direct experience finally dawns, false notions are seen for what they are, just like on waking up from a dream, you know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it was only a dream. By direct experience of what you are, beyond thought and identification with only the perceivable, consciousness knows its peace, and the ever present equilibrium is realized.
Then as you sit on your friend’s porch, you hear the birds singing summer songs. You see the light reflecting off the lake. You feel the breeze cooling your skin, and it is all your very Self, not something happening outside of you. There is no need for thought. For the seer and the seen are one, and all is happening of its own accord.
We're looking. For something so simple.
So simple, that we can't hold it in
our hands. Or in our heads.
So we look to him. To her.
To them. To there.
We look to everywhere but here.
To when. To then. But not to now.
It's hidden just beyond our cleverness.
So we presume it's out there.
But perhaps it's here.
http://soulbiographies.com/the-riddle-of-here/
Have you a grat week.
Sending love...
“Learn to live a natural and spontaneous life, contentedly.” According to the sage
Vasistha, that is the point. It is to this end, that we will direct our efforts, so that you may
know the power of real tranquility. By clearing away our false notions of reality and who
and what we really are, we will learn to exist in truth. By challenging our preconceptions
of what it means to be fully human and Self-realized we will learn that it is as easy or as
hard as we make it. There is no end to this thing called life, and we, our individual
personalities, are unique and necessary expressions of it. It is by learning to function
between two worlds, the limited world of the personality, and the infinite world which is
the source of our very existence that we learn to joyfully ride the rising and falling waves
of divine creation. Living from the full knowledge of our essence of being we know what
we are and what are not, and are then free to move gracefully and dispassionately in,
through and as the infinite consciousness.
Identification with the mind, our collection of thoughts, beliefs, and conditioning,
is the root of the weed that prevents our natural spontaneity. It is also the vessel that
maintains our false sense of self, so that we are confined to act only within a certain set of
parameters. We become so invested in this false sense of self that we defend it to the
detriment of our quality of life. Stray too far outside the boundaries of who you think you
are or what you think your life should be like, and prepare for the waves of anxiety,
confusion and fear that will wash over you. All the terror is a mind produced phenomena
generated by our inability to accept our capacity to act as a limitless manifestation of a
field of unbounded possibilities.
Once we let go of the mind and let it function in its natural role, as a servant to
our consciousness–calculator and recorder of data, we are free to turn our attention to
more important matters, such as living.
Consider the quote from Alan Watts, “No work of love will flourish out of guilt,
fear, or hollowness of heart, just as no valid plans for the future can be made by those
who have no capacity for living now.” Living now is an inside job. No matter how hard
you try, there will never be any fulfillment from the external world. No situation, person,
experience, place, or thing will ever fully satisfy you. There is no satisfaction in the
future, and despite what you may falsely remember, there was never any satisfaction in
the past. If you were ever truly satisfied, it is because you chose to be. You may have
attached a reason to it, but that reason was just an after-thought, albeit a very subtle one.
The past and future are external creations, projections and recordings of past
perceptions in the mind. A very efficient and quick way restore the mind to its natural
function is to stop waiting for the next moment. No doubt you have already experienced
the fact that it is easier said than done. When you work, live, love and play without
waiting for the next moment everything you are and encounter flourishes.
The way to success in this endeavor returns us to our very Self, not the mind
imagined self, but our true eternal nature, the witnessing presence. When you find your
self waiting for the next moment, admit it. Then ask your self, “What is waiting for this
next moment?” Of course the answer is “I am.” We then take it a step further, “What am
I?” Ask that question enough and sit quietly receptive and open to the answer, and you
will move into a state of tranquility like you could never have imagined possible. To
develop the skill of receptivity to the answer, meditation is invaluable, and we will
review that practice at the end of this lesson. It is impossible to really ‘hear’ the answer
or experience the truth of what you are if we have not learned to turn down the static in
our consciousness, and that is the point of meditation. For now, let us continue on
focusing on the living present.
In our efforts to stop waiting for the next moment, we can learn to experience our
consciousness directly. We wait for the next moment because we are not comfortable
where we are for one reason or another. We are uncomfortable because we do not
remember what we truly are, and are avoiding reality. Finding reasons for our discomfort
will only strengthen the identification with the mind, that very thing we are trying to up
root.
The best way to stop waiting for the next moment is to simply accept what
consciousness is experiencing through your personality at this moment. If it is an
uncomfortable feeling of dis-ease, just feel it. Do not continue to fool your self that
something external in the future will change this feeling of dis-ease. Also, do not look to
the past for the reason that you feel the way you do. You can always find a reason to feel
bad, just as you can always imagine a reason to feel good. It just depends on which habit
you have strengthened most, feeling bad, or feeling great! The power in this practice is
not finding or imagining reasons for your current state of consciousness, it is DECIDING
to be different now FOR NO REASON. When you decide to be a certain way for no
reason, then no reason can influence you to be a way you do not want to be. The mind
feeds on reasons. You grow into tranquility through being free of reasons.
To avoid frustration, it is good to accurately judge your potential in this practice.
If this is a new concept for you, your abilities to make these changes will, of course, be
weak. Just as with all exercises, you start where you can and hold the intention of where
you want to be until you get there. Then you become strong. Your mind may be strong
and your tendency towards tranquility may be weak. Just admit it, if it is true. This state
of affairs has occurred because you, like many people, have given more attention to the
mind, rather than to a state of tranquility. We are now undertaking the task to reverse that
tendency. You will succeed so long as you never quit. This is exactly how all the other
saints and sages of the world have become what they have become. They persevered.
Well intentioned people may say that saints and sages are created through grace.
Grace is involved, but not in the way you might imagine. As written in the bible, “God
helps those who help themselves.” Grace, like fate, is the accumulation of present self
efforts to a desired end. So yes, God does help those who help themselves. No unit of
consciousness has ever experienced sainthood without intention or practice.
What is a saint or a sage? A saint is a person who is completely and totally
knowledgeable and identified with the Self. To say that a sage is the eternal Self is not
entirely correct. Otherwise we would all be saints. A realized holy person can be
appropriate in any circumstance. When it is time to meditate, she can withdraw her
attention into complete and total pure consciousness. When it is time to interact with a
neighbor, or a family member, or to take any normal action in the world, she can do her
best without attachment to the results of her actions. Remember, the label saint or sage is
just role some people play. One can be Self and God-realized playing any role.
Saints do not have to act pious, or have any outward display of divinity. Saints
that display fantastic powers do so for a reason. Their mission in the world may involve
being spectacular in some way, but this is not a requirement. There are many people who
can display fantastic feats and have interesting psychic abilities, but they have no idea
about who or what they are and so still function out of an illusional sense of self, rather
than a surrendered and appropriate expression of the infinite consciousness. Fantastic
“spiritual powers” manifest spontaneously without premeditation through a saint. I
mention this point, because it is not helpful to define your progress through any special
abilities or perceptions. Our only point of measure should be the amount of tranquility
and wisdom that comes as we mature into our intention to wake up fully.
Involved in the world of form, emotions are common to everyone. Realized
people feel emotions as well as everyone else. They can also choose to express or not
express certain emotions, good or bad. They are free, so they are free to do what is
appropriate. The difference between a realized person and others, is that the realized
person is not attached to emotional states or expressions. They are free to be fully human
and fully divine simultaneously, and all that implies. When you directly experience that
you are a realized sage, you too will have that same latitude.
According to sage Patanjali, “Yoga is the cessation of fluctuations in the field of
consciousness. When the fluctuations cease, the seer abides in its own nature. At other
times there is conformity to definitions.” Yoga in this context refers to a complete
realization of the unity of consciousness. The result is perfect peace and tranquility. With
the ending of fluctuations (or the need to think and label), Self-realization shines forth of
its own accord. We are completely fulfilled. When focused on the “changes” or
“differences” in consciousness, we are bound again to live in delusion and thereby forget
our tranquility.
The idea of changes or fluctuations in consciousness is just that, an idea. To
clarify, note the words of Vasistha, “Even as the mirage appears to be a very real river of
water, this creation appears to be entirely real. And as long as one clings to the notion of
the reality of “you” and “I”, there is no liberation.” The notions of “you” and “I” is label
created by the mind. We are inseparable. When we dream, who are the characters in the
dream? Are they not a manifestation of the same one thing? The same is true for our
waking dream. To continue to enforce labels, rather than simply acting appropriately and
knowing this whole experience is just one thing, we continue our existence in bondage.
Begin to accept, that this, your experiences, is all you. You may not have the power to
fully realize that, or to even understand what this will mean once you fully grasp it. But if
you are going to entertain a notion, “This is all me” is a good one to switch to.
Vasistha continues, “Not by merely and verbally denying such a notion of
existence is it obliterated: on the contrary, such denial itself becomes a further
distraction.” To deny the existence of a problem simply enforces it. To say, “I’m working
hard to gain liberation and perfect peace,” generates the notion, that you do not have
liberation or peace. You are affirming that which you do not want to experience without
your knowing. You are liberation and peace. To say, “I am making my self well through
this practice, because there was something fundamentally wrong with me before,” has the
same effect. There is nothing wrong with you. You have just been affirming your current
state through your actions, thoughts and words. Now it is time to affirm that which you
do want to experience.
This brings us to the secret key a lot of spiritual teachers leave out. Practice is
done for the joy of doing the practice, not for a result. If you like to meditate, excellent,
meditate because you like it. If you like to pray for peace, that’s good, do it for its own
sake. If you enjoy reading spiritual or philosophical literature, knock your self out, not
because it will make you better or because it is good for you, but because that is what
consciousness enjoys doing through you. Play music, dance, and cook, serve the
homeless or work hard at your job. If you need a reason, do it because that is what you
the Self enjoys doing through you as an individualized unit of its own wholeness. The
real eternal you, is not going to get any better. Not even with age.
Now there may be experiences you would like to have which involve doing things
you do not particularly enjoy. In our current cultural atmosphere, sitting to meditate for
an hour a day, being truthful in all circumstances, eating a non-fad nutrition rich diet,
being content for no reason, working to have adequate resources to accomplish goals and
even regular exercise, all actions conducive to the practice of experiencing liberation of
consciousness, a lot of people do not like to do. This again comes down to choice and
how badly you would like to experience the life you want. If you do not want to harness
your will to overcome attachments to your current experience, and are not willing to
master your state of consciousness to move beyond debilitating aversions, at least be
honest with your self about it. There is no need to feel guilt about your choice. Either you
do or you don’t. It’s up to you. Being peacefully self honest about it, is a good first step.
Keep it up for long enough, and you may find that you eventually start moving in the
direction you want effortlessly.
Remember, you are the Self. Nothing can make you the Self, or take you away
from the Self. It is you. Now that we have that cleared up, the important question arises,
as stated so well by Roy Eugene Davis, “How do you want to be living your immortal
life?” This is what I would like you to think about as we move through this course. If you
already have a clear idea, write it down. Hold that intention as we proceed. If you do not
yet know, hold the intention that you do know how you want to live your immortal life.
Affirm it with conviction daily. When you feel lost or confused do not affirm the feeling
of doubt. Chase it away however you can, and bring back up the feeling of what it would
be like to be completely and totally knowledgeable. You do not have to have the
information in your mind immediately. Remember, there is more to you than the mind.
Through the affirmation and adopting the feeling state, you are accessing the information.
Be patient as the rest of your being, the infinite consciousness, gathers the opportunities
to reveal it to you.
With every breath and movement, feel as though you are, at this very moment,
living a natural and spontaneous life, contentedly. In all circumstances, whether you
judge the circumstance to be perfect or imperfect, good or bad, pleasant or unpleasant,
accept that this is your natural and spontaneous life, the accumulation of all your present
choices, thoughts and words up to this point. Be content to let the accumulated force
exhaust itself. It has to one way or the other. To deny this is to deny reality, and that will
not help. As the accumulated force loses its momentum, make the choices that are
conducive to your ideal experience as an expression of the infinite consciousness.
Review this writing before sleep at night or during leisure time. Contemplate that
which you do not understand, and put into action what you do understand. It will become
clearer with repeated contact.
Begin or Deepen a Regular Meditation Practice
First sit in a comfortable position with the back straight. Close your eyes and look
slightly upward gazing into the darkness of your eyelids. Upward gazing will keep you
alert and awake. Take a few deep breaths, and feel the air come in and leave your body.
With each exhalation let your worries or concerns fall away. As you settle into a relaxed
attentive state set your intention to experience the essence of divinity within and without
you. This can be done with a prayer if you are inclined. Now, return your attention to
your breath.
For the next fifteen minutes just breath, and be aware of breathing. Should
thoughts arise, let them pass. Remember to give yourself fully to the practice. Become
absorbed in the breath, prayer or stillness. This is the time for inner rejuvenation. You
have all day to attend to other matters. After any form of distraction, gently return your
attention to your breathing. When you are ready, drop the breath from you attention. Rest
within the stillness that has been allowed to emerge from this simple practice.
After a few weeks gaining proficiency in the above routine, utilizing the
following schedule can deepen the practice. Twice a day sit for thirty to forty-five
minutes. Set aside the same time every day. Sit where you will not be disturbed. Take a
few deep breaths and get comfortable with your back straight. Close your eyes and direct
your attention within. Again, looking slightly upward to stay alert and affirm your
innate divine nature.
Recite a memorized prayer, or speak one spontaneously silently to allow the
connection with the divine to become more real. Now, use a two word phrase to direct
your attention toward. This can be as simple as “Peace, love” or any other word that
positively attracts your attention. With your breathing recite your word phrase. On the
inhale, listen to the first word inside your head. On the exhale, listen to the second word.
Let it fill your entire awareness. Give all of your attention to it.
Should thoughts or distractions arise, gently bring your attention back to your
word phrase and breathing. Practice feeling the word phrase resonating in your awareness
for the next ten to fifteen minutes. This will calm the mind and allow the body to relax
deeply. Now rest in this relaxed, yet alert peaceful state. Remain calm and poised for as
long as possible.
Once internal or external distractions begin to make themselves known, start over
again. Continue practicing in this way until you have reached your proscribed time.
Finish with a silent prayer, and acknowledge the divine peace you experienced, and let it
fill your day.
After resting for a while in the pure state of awareness you may conclude and go
about your day, or remain a little longer engaging in constructive problem solving. It is
after the practice that we can most appropriately address any issues in our lives that need
it. When our awareness is not clouded by overactive thoughts or emotions we are more
easily able to understand why things are the way they are. With this understanding
proper action can be taken to change. This practice creates the structure in life for the
unfoldment of self-realization and spiritual knowledge. Without this understanding we
wander pointlessly into suffering.
Each day we meditate or pray to realize our spiritual purposes and how they
transpose into our physical life, we lay a few more bricks into the structure. With
patience and consistency we will eventually wake up to find that the last brick was set
yesterday morning, and from there all we need do is let life happen spontaneously and
constructively.
Stop Waiting for the Next Moment
What ever you are doing in your day, do it fully. Focus on the action. Just do the
action. There is no need to think about it, unless thinking is the action. Once you are done
with one action, move on to the next.
It is helpful to make a list the night before of what you intend to accomplish the
next day. Here is an example list:
1. Meditate.
2. Shower.
3. Go to work. (You could also make a list of what you will do while at work.)
4. Exercise for 45 minutes.
5. Pay due bills
6. Practice my instrument.
7. Clean the kitchen after dinner
8. Watch favorite show.
9. Check the mail.
10. Read “Yoga Sutras.”
11. Meditate.
12. Make ‘to do’ list for tomorrow.
Now you do not have to think about your day. You know what you are going to
do. You can now focus on one thing at a time. Mark out each action as they are
completed. This will also help you feel a sense of accomplishment as your day progresses.
There may be points through out the day when you are unhappy or uncomfortable
with the present circumstance. That’s natural until you learn to be content all the time.
What is the best way to deal with moments like that?
First, admit that you feel the way you do. Then if you find your self thinking that
something in the future would change it, stop. More than likely, you would just feel better
temporarily, and then once that is cleared up, something else would come up and you
would think that there must be something else. It’s an endless cycle. So just stop it now.
Next, you will probably look for something or someone in the past to blame your
unpleasant state on. Stop that too. Don’t blame, just feel what you feel. It will quit
eventually. Stay in reality, and the relative reality may be that you feel uncomfortable.
Leave the past and future alone.
Does this make sense? No, of course not. Your mind would like it to though,
wouldn’t it? Stay vigilant and continue the practice. You will eventually have the direct
experience, that how you feel is not dependant on the past or the future, and that you can
always find a reason to feel how you do. Forget about reasons. Focus on choice.
Choose what you want to feel and feel it. Don’t wait for the next moment. Be with
what is, and once you are comfortable with that, then choose what is. You are learning to
develop control over your states of consciousness, a key skill for any Self-realized person.
Sincerely, Ryan Kurczak
© 2012 Howard McQueen
Well before confidence,
well before courage,
the well-spring of faith is fed.
The journey of my life,
when well-lived
is an exploration in discovering and removing
my inner obstructions blocking this spring.
In my journey my faith will waver:
I will become afraid and numbed down.
I will become overheated with anger.
I will experience the delusional fever and become disconnected.
I will judge and then ridicule and punish myself
and others around me will be subjected to my suffering.
Disappointments and rejections,
unfulfilled expectations
abandoning patience - These and other reactions to circumstances,
when fostered and bred in my mind
become the obstructions that close down
my mind and my heart.
And so it is:
I will also step up and open myself again and again
with the help of my dearest friends
and clear away my obstructions.
And I will learn to turn to and embrace, integrate and innovate using this process,
recognizing and realizing that it is the most effective of medicines.
Do you ever experience periods of overwhelm regarding the amount of things that need to be done? If so, you’re not alone. Lately I have had a lot of projects calling me in different directions. With a new baby on the way, a great deal needs to be done to prepare the house for her arrival (which is coming in a few days!). In addition to preparing for a new miniature resident, I have to keep up with my work. It’s the busiest time of the year for our business, and I have been struggling to keep up for months now. I work from home and set my own hours, which gives me the flexibility to do other things when called into action, but that also opens the door for my work to get neglected (hence the 200 plus email backlog I have). I’m also trying to find time to write and promote my new book (A Seeker’s Guide to Inner Peace: Notes to Self), as well as raise money for the upcoming March for Babies fund raiser. In addition to all of that, there are the typical chores of being a human (i.e. cleaning the house, mowing the yard, doing laundry, cooking, etc.).
I’m not telling you all of my woes hoping you will throw me a surprise pity party (though that would be kinda fun). I’m simply laying out an example of how work, chores and life can become a burden that obstructs our view of what’s right here, right now. For example, sometimes, when I walk the dogs outside, I will see a whole host of “to dos” around me. Instead of seeing the trees and flowers, I see all of the things I need to do, or would like to do. I see my long term plans for the landscape. I see all of the trees I need to cut and brambles that need to be slashed and burned, and I visualize how I would go about taking care of this type of deferred maintenance. That’s often accompanied by a sense of urgency to do something before it gets more out of hand, followed by a sense of futility because it can’t be done anytime soon. Then, I’m reassured by a sense of, “It will get done when it’s supposed to,” which is occasionally followed by a sense of doubt in that laissez faire attitude.
The mind can become a spinning top, grappling with its feelings of inadequacy until all I see is a never ending to do list around me. Instead of the beauty of nature, I only see things to do. When I catch myself entering that pit of despair, I become present to it. I acknowledge those feelings and allow them to be there. I then check in with my own sense of beingness. I remind myself that I have become lost in my head again and focus on what’s right here, right now, instead of what I think “should” be done. I remember that I am exactly where I am supposed to be, doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing, at any given moment. In fact, I have no choice to be doing (or not doing) what I’m doing right now. This moment is what the Universe has intended for me, and no amount of self doubt will change that.
Once I’m present, and not lost in the past or future, I can then allow myself to follow a particular impulse to do something (or do nothing). Feelings of guilt may arise when I am doing one thing and feel like I am neglecting another, which I am experiencing right now as I write this when there are a million other things that need to be done before our baby is born (in a few days). What do I say to help alleviate that guilt? “I have no choice. This is what I have to be doing.” I suggest that when you’re answering a call to do something you enjoy doing, enjoy it rather than feel guilty about not doing something else.
Now, I feel pulled to do something else and will stop here. My wish for you is that you learn to identify when you are looking at a to do list instead of what’s really real. Pay attention to those feelings of guilt and overwhelm when they occur, and recognize them as your body’s reaction to your thoughts about what “should” be. Remember that your thoughts are only a reflection of your past programming, and are really not yours to control. You can’t control how or what you think, but you can decide how to respond to them when you realize they are causing you stress.
If you feel like you “should” be doing something you can’t do right now, surrender the idea that it needs doing (for now). Surrender to the reality of this moment. You can’t do anything other than what you are doing right now, so give what you do now your fullest possible attention. Marvel at the body/mind’s ability to function in the way it does. Marvel at its innate intelligence to perform the necessary tasks when called upon. Imagine that your “doing” is actually like breathing. You’re not doing it, it’s just happening organically as a continuation of the wave set in motion when you were born (or even before).
Enjoy all that you do because you have no choice but to be doing it.
Peace,
Trey
PS - I wrote this in four sittings over the course of about a week. Each time I sat to write, I was called to do something else. This is not a bad thing, it is simply what was. I do my best to follow my intuition and go with the flow, without sweating the little stuff. I can then witness how cool it is that necessary things get done.
© 2012 Howard McQueen
Dearly Beloved,
you take my breath away
and you fill my lungs,
again and again,
all without an iota of effort needed from me.
All that seems needed from me is to remember:
When I invite in and worship fear, separation and exclusion,
I am diminished.
When I invite in and worship love, connection and inclusion,
I am one with you,
united,
your lover,
and your servant.
Dearly Beloved,
assist me to see beyond the fears and insecurities
I am clutching to,
these infections I’ve harbored in my mind.
Open me to the vibrations and healing balm of your Love,
so I may be cleansed
of my judgments
that there ever was
or will ever be
anything to fear,
when your breath,
your blood
and your life
are constantly coursing through me.
~ ~ ~ ~
As I gain exposure to Sufism, I am appreciating the common thread bridging Sufism and Christianity – giving/devoting yourself (and your identity) to God and embracing whatever comes your way.
© 2012 Howard McQueen
In this string of moments I’ve known you,
I’ve been absorbing the all of you.
Even through the seeming distractions,
your humanity penetrates to the essence of me,
reawakening in me
the great desire to love
through my fear
and doubt.
I release myself from all hesitancy,
willing to be lost in love,
blinded, in order to see clearly
all that is
god-given.
Come, open me the rest of the way,
Love.
© 2012 Howard McQueen
Make your way
back into your own gateway,
your center,
where all potential is present,
where heaven and hell are recognized
as arising from interpretation
shaped by perspective
and expressed through intention.
This trinity: interpretation, perspective and intention,
when opened
and navigated with patience and reflection
provide the journeyer
with the necessary medicine of integration.
With this integration comes an integrative vision.
We experience what we once would describe as
an ordinary, often limiting and sometimes fearful reality
AND
We also sense the extraordinary potential for integration,
as we occupy and hold the space
for both what is
and what is becoming,
we become free of judgment,
we become free of attachment to outcome
we find ourselves beginning the great un-entangling
in this duality we’ve spun.
Bless this all encompassing, amazing and wondrous Reality.
We actually are gifted with the ability to constantly re-center
and navigate our own way.
© 2012 Howard McQueen
How can we continue to believe
that there is security
in what is stale,
in what we’ve already harvested,
in what we’ve already celebrated?
Many times in this life,
we hear the not so faint calling
to build our new nest,
and we turn away from the calling,
planting our heals
and our hearts
in the already departed vitality
of what has passed.
We can become so complicit,
so blind and enslaved by our routines,
so much so that we literally wish and will
that things remain the same.
We sentence ourselves and those we share life with
to a tragic conformity of sameness,
an entropic dullness and deadness,
an antithesis of vitality,
an anti-christ-consciousness,
fearing what inevitably is
but dynamic change,
life unfolding,
changing and mutating
and finding new pathways to open us
to a deeper, more profound expression.
Release yourself into the maelstrom of infinite possibilities.
Encourage yourself towards these new callings,
and be changed
by finding your friendship with adaptability
and the courage and ease to raft
the invisible and unknowable currents of life.
© 2012 Howard McQueen
I am appreciating this gift of life.
I have not always felt this way about life,
or about my life.
For the longest time, it seemed to me
that there were injustices done to me
that were patently unfair.
Then, over the course of time,
I sowed those injustices upon others,
becoming initiated and intimately aware
of the suffering already loose in this world.
We are fortunate to often have the time
to make the transition and shift our roles
from recipient to server,
from taker to giver.
From this more informed perspective
we see the inevitableness of what came our way,
and we can choose to stop living as victim and perpetrator.
We see how to focus our awareness and intent
and learn the art of fermenting a much finer wine,
one worthy of sharing with our brothers and sisters.
One worthy of spreading a radical, contagious love,
A love that leaves less and less room for ambiguity, for confusion
and for the spread and transfer of suffering and separation.
If we treat each other as one family,
And offer up a toughened up love
In our actions,
our words,
our body language and our behaviors,
we will, one human being at-a-time,
encourage love to take hold and flourish.
© 2012 Howard McQueen
It starts out innocent enough,
a casual conversation begun.
Goodwill is opened, friendship warmed,
all this seemingly under the auspices of genuine inquiry.
As the questions continue however,
there is the sense of a rigid and analytical agenda firming up.
Information about me is highlighted and then inflated,
supposedly on my behalf.
The conversation is herded along so that a pronouncement,
a grand vision-conclusion can be bestowed.
I am now not feeling part of any free-flowing exchange.
Perhaps the feeling is more akin to being a seminar sardine,
caught in the net of in a case-study that,
even in a stretch, only vaguely applies to me.
I am thinking: “hey, I’m here to celebrate kinship and conviviality.
Why is this one person trying to analyze and heal me,
when I didn’t ask for,
and probably don’t need,
any contextual,
in-the-moment healing,
or summing up of my life experince.”
You’ve just become caught up in the rap of the well-intended,
often ineffectual healer.
Needing to do the work on themselves,
and so constipated with their own
under-applied and unresolved advice,
their tendency is to spread advice to almost everyone else.
Effective healers are largely freed,
or can set aside, their own biases.
Rather than deal in and dole out personal,
stylized roles of behavior,
their responsiveness arises in the moment
to what is most alive,
not in them,
but in the other.
Effective healers do not offer solutions,
knowing that what resonates in them is but their own work-around,
that is, until the resonance and awareness awakens in another.
Effective healers are not wed to outcomes,
as they embrace the unknowing
of when and where the necessary medicine will come from.
I sense that effective healers are often born out of the ashes of mediocre healers, growing up and letting go their subtle meddling and manipulation.
Be bold and hold up the mirror to those aspiring to be effective healers. They too need an assist now and then to see through the smoke and fog and all the distortion shrouding their lives.
Take off the kid gloves and, if necessary,
man-handle me so I can see and be so much more
that a mediocre leader, and healer.
© 2012 Howard McQueenAll too oftenwe wait to celebrate being together - till we are leaving.Everyday we have the opportunityto be radical daredevilsand let escape our words,profusely professingour love for each other.Why are we still skipping over these golden opportunities?Take a moment and just stop and gaze into the eyes of love,with reckless abandon, while you are still able.This church, this GMUUC - C for its congregation,convivial,cherishedcollectively cohesive.What a very mature love.What a beautiful way we’ve been heldin the love of so many.It has awakened in me,the invitation to step off of the sidelines of love,right on to the groundless space where love is actualized.We are indeed keepers of the dream,keeping the dream aliveso it may awaken and thrivein so many others.
Words by Howard McQueen; Inspiration by Fred Lansford
I am slip-sliding, ever-shifting perspective and awareness,
collapsing and expanding
entirely outside of my control.
I am sometimes a tiny sliver,
weak, frail, sometimes feeling desperately incomplete
and sometimes connected to such a wholeness
and profundity as to see
mother earth as a pearl in the great Ocean.
I seek sometimes the reunion with the infinite totality,
especially when the sensations of suffering are near.
A somethingness of me opens to an expanded all-togetherness
opening time so the many slivers of me
sense the Grand Harmony.
And, that feeling subsides
and I soooo relish it’s return - to be again set free to roam,
outside of the confines of any specific, limiting form.
© 2012 Howard McQueen
We seem to always be offered the same two choices when we encounter conflict:
To enter into judgment
<or>
To enter into inquiry
One choice leads us on the journey towards a peaceful understanding.
The other choice continues to blind and bind us to our ignorance.
© 2012 Howard McQueen
If something is not quite right with this moment;
Perhaps,
you have yet to bring your full self into the moment.
Perhaps,
You are remembering that its not all about what you think
AND it is all about how you choose to interpret and respond.
© 2012 Howard McQueen
Version 1.1
To practice your artistry, your mission, your […],
i.e. your own unique vision for a richer, connected humanity.
Encourage yourself to be more and more fearlessly
comfortable and alive within your own skin.
And then,
go forth and occupy the richness of this imperfect,
often conflicted, external world.
A nod of appreciation for the contributions of William Grace Frost today at lunch at the Crimson Moon – thank you brother.
